Just My Luck!
by pillarofawsome
Summary: After saving Miyu and dying from his wounds, Emiya Shirou finds himself in a fantasy world, filled with magic, monsters, and masochists! Not to mention an explosion maniac, a worthless goddess, and hikkomori NEET. Can these 'heroes' defeat the Demon King? Lets test their luck! (Abandoned until further notice)
1. Chapter 1

**Konosuba and Fate/Stay Night are owned by their respective companies and authors.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: A Swords Dying Wish**

I arrive at Mount Enzo for the second time tonight. Unlike the first time, there's no reception. Last time, the Caster Class Card user fought me up at the Ryuudou temple, but I have no business there now. If I focus, I can hear the wind howling far above me.

I turn off the stairs and push my way through the tree branches. The forest is dark, but the moonlight slipping through the branches allows me to see. I have to clamber over the rocks, since there isn't even an animal trail.

According to Kotomine, there should be an entrance by a stream…

There, a trickle of water. I follow the sound until I reach a rock formation that looks like a natural gate, with the water coming from behind it. There's a crack in the formation large enough for a person to slip through. I move through and enter a cave. Under any other circumstances, I would have believed this to be a dead-end.

My time trying to break the Ainsworths bounded field has taught me otherwise, and I place my hand on the back wall of the cave. As expected, my hand passes through it. Once I go into the enemy's lair, there's no going back. No hesitation, I walk through the wall.

The ground slopes steeply downward from here, falling into a deep, depressing darkness. I sit and start to slide down the incline. I can't see how far the path goes, but I can feel the wet rocks. The long path seems to lead to hell, spiraling downward. Just as I'm thinking I've gone over a hundred meters underground…the dark cave changes completely.

The path opens up to a wide cave, lit up with luminescent moss. I walk onward. At its end, the path opens into a cavern. It's about as big as the schoolground. It's too dark to make out the ceiling, but it must be about ten meters up. An unforgettable underground space that looks like the moonscape that I read about a long time ago.

And there…

"It's been a long time⎯⎯⎯"

A man waits, filled with absolute hostility.

"How are you doing⎯⎯ ?"

He's my age, with black hair and dark blue eyes. He's wearing the Homurahara Academy uniform. With the glare he's sending my way, it looks like he's trying to kill me with his mind. His name is:

"Julian."

We stare each other down from across the cavern. There are many things I want to ask, and plenty I want to hear. But there was nothing else to put into words, save one thing:

"Give Miyu back." my voice is even, demanding the return of my sister.

His scowl turns darker still "That would be betraying mankind." He grits his teeth in a show of anger. "In her lies the method to save the human race from this planet full of tragedies, and it's certain doom." He's starting to raise his voice. "To throw all of that away for that petty, goddamned sentimentality of your's…"

He brings his hand to his forehead clenching it in a show of frustration. "I can't even laugh at it, I really can't. Doing something like that…" The sole eye I can see through his fingers giving me a black look, full of malice. " **Makes you the worst kind of evil.** "

I realize now. I guess we were more similar than I thought.

"I had no idea. I see now, so that's how it was. You were fighting all alone this entire time too."

" **Don't act like you understand!** " He roars, rounding on me, his face contorted with complete fury.

"I do." I say quietly. "Kill one to save many… I knew someone with that kind of mentality." Kiritsugu, the man who saved me. The man who gave me the name Emiya.

The man who wanted me to sacrifice Miyu. His dream, my old goal, was to be a Hero of Justice. A superhero who could save everyone. However, the world does not work that way.

Kill one to save ten. Kill ten to save one hundred. Kill one hundred to save a thousand. That was the path Kiritsugu followed. In order to save the entire world, so that all living humans will survive, all that need be done is sacrifice Miyu. The Ainsworths follow the same Ideology.

"But did you know, Julian? About Miyu's family?" Julian continues to stare at me intently, but says nothing.

"The Sakatsuki family kept records of all the generations from the very beginning all the way to Miyu. Have you ever wondered what a family with the children of god, who could grant any wish, would ask for?" Julian's curiosity is easy to see on his face, even though he tries to hide it. You couldn't be friends with him for as long as I have⎯ had, without learning his facial cues.

"They simply wished for their children to grow up healthy. They could have wished for wealth and prosperity, but all they ever asked for was what any parent would want for their child." I start walking towards Julian. "There wasn't a single exception for over four hundred years." My footfalls become heavy as I pass him. "And if that is to be considered evil⎯" I pass him, never to look back.

"Then I will be Evil"

* * *

And so, finally, I arrive at the altar at the center of the Holy Grail system. And lying atop it, is Miyu. She is lying on a raised platform in the center of an elaborate magic circle, which is no doubt connected to the Fuyuki ley lines. Just like for the reason she was captured, she even looks the part of a sacrifice, wearing a dress.

At last. I've finally arrived. This is it, the moment in which I will finally save her. All I have to do is…

"Onii… chan?" Miyu speaks to me, sounding like she is just waking up.

I smile, walking toward her. I'll have to be quick, there's no way they will let me go through with this.

"Sorry I took so long Miyu, I⎯"

 **(ost This Illusion)**

"Why did you come?" My heart stops, the pain in her voice stops me cold. "I heard it. These people told me… The reason you and Kiritsugu-san took me in… Was to use my power… That I'm only a tool… That in his place, they would use me to save the world. So why?" Seeing the tears fill her eyes makes my heart tear itself apart.

"Why Did You Come Here?"

That's obvious. I made my decision a long time ago. A life like mine has no other meaning behind it.

"That goes without saying." I take the cards out of my pocket, and they react to the proximity of the system, and float above Miyu. "I'm an older brother, so I have to protect my little sister don't I?" She can only look at me with shock.

"I've been trying to figure out what to do." I walk closer to the altar. I need to hurry. "It's been one mistake after another with me, so this might be a mistake too, but.." I kneel down and take my beloved sister's hand in mine, holding it gently. "I wish upon the holy grail," I close my eyes, as if in prayer...

"I pray that you find a world where you won't have to suffer any longer."

"I pray that you meet kind people."

"I pray that you find friends you can laugh with."

"I pray that you find a small, warm,"

"Share of Happiness."

The effect is immediate. A second circle materializes above the first filling the area with light as the grail seeks to grant my selfish, terrible wish.

Miyu calls my name as she floats into the air, but falls unconscious. Only one more thing to do now. This is it. This will be Emiya Shirou's final battle, with everything on the line. Just a little longer now…

* * *

I meet my enemy halfway to the entrance to the cavern. I feel the power before I see it. The power of the true archer class card is leagues above the others. A woman with blond hair and dark blue eyes wearing elaborate golden armor walks towards me, but stops at thirty meters.

But that doesn't matter. I have a job to do.

"Sorry, but my little sister is working her hardest right now, and can't be disturbed. So could you wait just a little longer?"

The reply is delivered with cold determination.

"I cannot. A faker who slipped into this grail war, must not have their wish granted." She activates the cards power, a series of portals opening up behind her.

So that's Gilgamesh. It's power is at least three times greater than the other cards. But it doesn't matter. From the portals, various swords and other weapons point straight at me. The loaded weapons are released at me with great speed!

 **(Ost The Golden King)**

" _Trace On!"_ I raise my hands to block the oncoming attacks, reinforcing my body and clothing as I do, and the weapons fly by me with unbelievable speed and power. They graze me without outright skewering my body, and I'm sent crashing to the ground several meters away.

"For a mere flesh and blood human to stand against the King of Heroes, Gilgamesh, is the epitome of foolishness." More weapons appear behind her pointing my way again. "You may grovel on the ground and beg for forgiveness, but if you stand once more… **I will show no mercy."**

I see now. She was the one who attacked me back then, when Julian kidnapped Miyu in the first place. Each weapon she fires at me is a top- tier noble phantasm. What kind of legend must someone have had to be able to so casually throw around so many legendary weapons?

"Be it eastern or western, ancient or modern, all of humanity's treasures are this Heroic Spirit's noble phantasm." She stands, offering a quiet invitation.

"I see. That's why Sakura called it the strongest." I force myself to my feet, causing my enemy's eyes to narrow. "Humanity, huh? That's big, bigger than words. It must be an enormous burden to carry." I reach my full height and smile "But you know, I've got someone I'm responsible for too." Not another step. I can't allow her to get any closer to Miyu no matter what. If I fail she dies, simple as that.

So not another step.

"Be it personal feelings or sentimentality," She raises her hand firing nine noble phantasms at me "Both are completely worthless in this world!"

Time freezes. I need a weapon. My link with the garbage card was a miscalculation on the part of the Ainsworths, as even they couldn't know what would happen to someone who connected to a card that was 'themself'.

" _Trace On!"_ I connect to that place and bring them into existence, the married blades Kanshou and Byakuya. In a clatter of steel the attacks are deflected by the twin swords in my hands. Like black and white lightning the swords move to intercept each attack. My body moves like a superhuman, and my mind reads ten steps ahead, insuring five more seconds of survival for each attack I parry. This is why I chose these swords. I can reproduce Archer's combat experience along with the weapons. It's not perfect, but my abilities are close to his now.

"Swords? It can't be… That fighting style is…" She seems shocked, but this outcome was obvious, working as a matter of course.

"What was that about a flesh and blood human? You're pretty slow on the uptake King of Heroes." I bring them out from the hill, the same weapons she had sent at me. "What you're facing is a true imitation of a heroic spirit!"

"Calling yourself an imitation in front of an Ainsworth? For such a sin…" She fires her weapons, and I fire in turn, rushing forwards as I do. "You Shall Pay with your Life!"

He faced many battles as the embodiment of his ideal, and it's thanks to that that I am, by copying him, able to fight. I even copied his origin as a sword. But I can feel it. Every time this body fights, I'm being invaded by the Heroic Spirit EMIYA. I move faster, kicking off the ground harder. I kick into high gear and floor the gas pedal.

I need to extract more of his strength. Deeper, wider, closer to the limit, I need to extract more so I can keep fighting. I deflect any swords that get past the ones I launch with quick strikes.

I close into melee range, leaping into the air and swinging both Kanshou and Byakuya down as hard as I can. She blocks the black and white swords with a quickly summoned sword.

"Lowley Faker!" A portal appears under me, a large sword shooting up from it, intent on impaling me. I pull my swords close in an x-pattern in front of my chest and block the attack, but the force sends me flying backwards away from her, breaking my weapons in the process.

A veritable rain of swords launches on me from above while I'm unable to defend, causing the ground to explode around me, sending up dust and debris.

The pain is unimportant. I focus on regaining my breath and getting back to my feet. My muscles burn, which makes that difficult. I keep my eye on my opponent, watching for more attacks.

"The strength of your attacks and the speed of your projections are increasing. I do not know what trick you're using, but it's useless. The only thing that awaits you is certain ruin." She proclaims.

I know. If the battle continues like this I'll have no hope of victory.

But so what? That doesn't matter. I have to win, I need to keep her distracted for just a little longer.

So I will.

"You know, you're surprisingly cute." I grit my teeth, as I struggle to my feet.

"What?" Guess she was surprised by my choice of words.

"Are you worried about your opponent? Or just hesitant to kill?" I clarify and ask at the same time. "I never had time for thoughts like that. If I had, I wouldn't have survived long enough to get my wish granted." I finally rise to my feet.

If I can't win by countering with high-speed projection⎯

 **(ost Into the Night)**

"I'M STANDING HERE TO USE WHAT'S LEFT OF MY LIFE!" I throw off my ruined coat and raise one hand in front of me in preparation. I have no need to hesitate. All that's left is for me to defeat the enemy in front of me. I look into myself even while I prepare to defend myself.

⎯Then I'll have to try something else...

" _My Body is Made of Swords"_

I cast the spell. The act of casting is only a suggestion to change myself. These words will connect me to that place I need to reach. The place I will reach...

" _My Blood is of Iron, and My Heart is of Glass"_

She releases numerous noble phantasms at me with the speed of bullets. But they won't reach me. Even as I go there, I bring a suitable shield out...

" _I Have Overcome Countless Battlefields"_

Rho Aias, the shield that blocked the spear of a Trojan war hero, appears before me, a swarm of swords batters against it. The shield is my body, so I take damage as the shield cracks...

" _Unaware of Beginning"_

Aias breaks, the holes in the shield reflected by 'holes' in my body. I grit my teeth, pushing through the pain...

" _Nor Aware of the End"_

The swords cut passed me again, leaving shallow wounds, but I ignore them.

" _The Orphan is Alone Again"_

Portals open up surrounding me, cutting off retreat and the ability to move forward.

" _Striking Diamond Dust Upon a Hill of Swords"_

Chains spring outward from the portals, immobilizing me. But that's fine. I don't need to move anyway...

" _Yet, My Flame Never Ends"_

My enemy charges forwards, intent on ending me before I finish casting, pulling a large sword out, holding it over her head for a powerful strike...

" _This False Body was⎯"_

She closes into striking distance and brings the sword down with a cry...

" _Still⎯"_

The power fills me in an instant, raging around. This body was used for only one magic from the start. All that's left is to unleash it...

" _Unlimited Blade Works"_

I cast it's true name, and in that instant…

Everything breaks and reforms.

* * *

One man dreamt of the World's salvation.

Another chose the survival of his species above all else.

I wished for a single person's happiness.

And _He..._

I walk up the snow covered hill, a lone sword awaits me there.

"Switching individual and collective, fantasy and reality, inside and outside. Overwriting the world with one's own mind. The innermost Thaumaturgy: Reality Marble." I reach the sword and grasp it, flames forming over my hand. "This is the place that he and I saw." I pull the sword from the ground.

He ended up 'here'

In a desolate frozen tundra, the moon sits high in the sky, watching over all that occurs here like a great eye. The land with no end to it is filled, no, covered with swords sticking blade-first in the ground. Any and all swords are reproduced here at a glance. It is the greatest forbidden magic that embodies the caster's internal world. This reality marble is the heroic spirit EMIYA's Noble Phantasm and the only weapon we possess.

This place that lies at the end of his Ideal

He cut himself off from the world, losing something for each person he saved

Until finally, his world was empty.

And so, the emptiness was filled with steel, just like this world's owner.

That is why it is called _Unlimited Blade Works: The Infinite Creation of Swords_.

This place, filled with all the materials to produce swords without limit, is the only definite answer obtained by the man who lived as a sword all his life.

"So what do you think? It's a world encompassing an infinite number of blades, but to me, they're more like graves." Graves of lives taken. Graves for lives lost.

A grave for an ideal.

The King of Heroes turns to face me, as I willed myself to appear behind her, a look of contempt on her face.

"Please keep me company until my swords run out." I tell her, preparing for all-out war.

"... It seems I was mistaken. You had no hope of victory from the start." She looks about my world with disgust. "Disregarding yourself and the lives of others, even beasts have more dignity." She clenches her fist in self-righteous fury, or does she pity me?

I push the thought away. It doesn't' matter anyhow.

"What a fitting scene for you, Faker. **A PUPPET LIKE YOU WHO MIMICS THE DEAD, SHALL SINK TO THE BOTTOM OF THESE GRAVES!"** She unleashes the noble phantasm of Gilgamesh of Uruk, the King of Heroes, from a vault containing war incarnate.

 **(ost Emiya)**

I charge down the hill even as the enemy opens the 'gate' firing off countless noble phantasms. My blades are already here, so they respond in kind, moving from their resting places in droves. The two armies of swords start the final match.

I oppose a longsword with a longsword, the blades shattering each other, sending the shards flying in all directions. Her weapons come through the portals, firing in an attempt to take my life. I'm not thinking. My body and mind will fail if I stop. That's why I will keep moving forward. The instant I see a Noble Phantasm, I reel in the exact same one from behind me and fire it in turn. The sounds of swords clashing with explosive force echoes throughout the world in a cacophony of steel.

The portals behind her fill with weapons, so I send my own, destroying them. In this world, my swords are already in existence, allowing me to attack with mine faster.

"To slow." I rush her as she curses, summoning several shields in front of her, forming a wall.

"With countless treasures at your disposal, that heroic spirit is no doubt a king." I toss the sword in my hand into the air, calling a large sword from the hill behind me "That's why you can thoughtlessly look down on me, someone who would try to perfect a single swing." I shove the sword into the ground, directly in front of the shield wall. "Someone with a duty to fulfill!" Using the sword like a shovel, I pry the wall out of the way, launching the shields into the air and knocking my enemy off balance.

She launches noble phantasms at me while trying to recover, but they miss by mere millimeters. I catch the sword I'd thrown earlier, moving into attack range, my whole body like a coiled spring.

This is it. At this range, and with the timing of my swing I can't fail! The sword approaches her neck and⎯

Passes through empty space, causing me to overextend.

"The one being thoughtless here is you. Do not make light of the Ainsworths." I suddenly find myself tumbling through the air, several meters up.

"Damn!" She can use that same spatial displacement that Julian used when he kidnapped Miyu. This is bad. I can't maneuver in the air, leaving me wide open.

"I have no reason to keep you company as you try to buy time." She summons two giant swords from above me, using gravity itself to crush me with the weight of the world.

The first sword, Ig-Alma, The Mountain Feller, falls towards me at terminal velocity. I roar out, going through the eight steps in an instant, my circuits burning and sparking as I reproduce that very same sword, projecting it into reality to deflect the original away from my body.

No time to think, the next, Sul-Sagana, is already closing in. I reproduce it with even greater strain just in time. The world shakes as the titanic pairs of swords clash with each other and fall to earth with a world shaking crash. I land on the ground in a heap.

Once more… I need to get up one more time. I'm not done yet, damn it! The cost of producing those swords was massive...

"Though they may have been cheap imitations, you still managed to project two divine constructs while simultaneously maintaining this reality marble." She almost sounds like she's complimenting me as she pulls a new sword out of storage. "Your very existence is flawed. You may prove to be a hindrance to the last legend we have written and put into motion for humanity."

All my senses freeze. I can't even pay heed to what she's saying. She is most certainly pulling out a sword, but my mind burns when I see it. The sword begins to spin, a strange wind pouring out.

"Your irksome ability, your strange use of magecraft, and your abhorrent self destructive conviction… **They will be torn to pieces, together with this world."** The sword spins faster, generating a seemingly limitless amount of power.

Static fills my vision as I try and fail to grasp the sword in front of me.

It's useless. Even with the heroic spirit EMIYA's eyes. Analyzing that sword, let alone reproducing it?

Impossible.

Something as ridiculous as that? With a trump card like that, no wonder she was so confident in her victory.

I can only laugh at my misfortune. "Wow. I'm honored that you'd bring something like that out just for me. There's no sword in this world that can stand equal to it." The ground shakes from the wind as a snow storm blows up from behind me, blocking off the night sky.

"So, while it may seem a bit rude, I'll just have to pay you back…" The storm? It's unlike any storm to ever exist. The storm of swords pulls up behind me, following my will. " **WITH EVERY SWORD I HAVE IN STOCK!"** Every Sword in my reality marble moved forward to attack my lone opponent. Is it possible to imagine such a thing? Truly the number of swords cannot be counted.

" **RETURN TO THE BEGINNING! ENUMA ELISH!"** She roars, thrusting the sword in my direction, a storm of red energy pours endlessly from the sword.

Two storms clash in a world without boundaries. One made of the weight of all the steel here, which makes up the soul of Emiya Shirou. Famed swords, Treasured swords, honed, divine, cursed, magic, razor, blunt. These swords are everything that I am, and an endless armory.

The other is an impossibility. The weight of the truth, the weight of the mightiest sword in existence, which split Heaven from Earth.

"It's futile! Even if you pile all of your swords together, they are no match for the strongest sword!" She roars over the noise. It makes no difference what kind of sword they are, nor how many there are. Every last one is obliterated.

I can own an unlimited number of swords, but a finite amount of them are recorded, despite being countless.

But that sword is infinity. It's power is truly endless.

"You're right. There are times when just one thing can outweigh everything else." I say with a smile on my face.

That's because I've already won.

Because that one thing...

I feel it. A very important connection is being irrevocably cut. I understand what that means. How I was able to survive those battles, and where all of the energy came from. The reason I could keep fighting…

Was Miyu all along.

The supply of energy, the will to keep going, disappears the moment Miyu no longer resides in this world.

It's my victory...

The world shatters, as the enemy storm envelops me...

* * *

Miyu is gone. Off on a one- way trip to a world where she can be happy. Surely the grail is capable of that at least.

I lay on the ground, my limbs spread out my wounds bleeding freely.

I'm so tired. I can barely move let alone stay conscious for much longer...

"I'm a little worried that I couldn't see you off, though…" I whisper wistfully to the sister that isn't here.

"I know you'll have no trouble making friends. Though there were a lot of things I wanted to teach you still..." A thought occurs.

"Damn… I totally forgot about my promise to show you the ocean… you'll probably be mad at me, huh?..." I don't think I've broken a promise to her before...

"Well, I did give it my all so you'll forgive me, right?" She definitely will...

"… Just promise me that you'll be happy, okay?" I don't need to hear her response.

I failed to be a Hero of Justice but…

"I won, Kiritsugu." I raise my fist to the night sky. I can pride myself on being a brother who could protect his sister.

I'm so tired. I should get some rest…

I close my eyes…

 **Dead End**

* * *

"Emiya Shirou-san, welcome to the afterlife. Unfortunately, you have died. It may have been short, but your life is now over." Someone suddenly spoke to me in a pure white room. In the room is a set of an office desk and chair, and the one who announced that my life was over is sat in that chair.

Her beauty is beyond the idols shown on television, because she possess glamour surpassing humans. She has long blue hair. She seems to be about my age. She has a light purple hagoromo draped over her clothes. In her hair is a blue and white clip, which appears to resemble a water molecule.

The beauty blinked her eyes which are the same aqua blue color of her hair, staring at me.

This sudden turn of events confuses me. I mean, hadn't I just...?

Ah. That's right. If I'm dead, I suppose it was because there was nothing left for me in that world.

"Who…?" I manage eventually.

"My name is Aqua. I am a goddess that guides young people who die in Japan to the afterlife. Speaking of which, you have two options.'' Aqua holds up a finger for each of the options. "First would be reincarnating and beginning a new life. The other option would be staying in a place sort of like heaven and live the life similar to an old folks home."

Well, that was a blunt way of putting it. "Wait, wait. What do you mean an old folks home? And Heaven exists?" I end up asking the first questions that pop into my head.

Aqua looks around as if to make sure that no one is listening to our conversation and then leans in conspiratorially. "Heaven isn't as great as you humans imagined. You don't need to eat after dying and won't be able to make anything. There aren't any ingredients or anything for you to use there, anyhow."

Wait, so no cooking? "I'm sorry if I disappointed you, but there is nothing in heaven. No television, no manga and no games, there are only other people who died before you. And since you're dead, you can't do anything kinky, you can't since you don't even have a body. The only thing you can do is bask in the sun with your predecessors and chat. Forever." She may be focused on the wrong things here...

…

Well. That just seems a little…

Of the two options, there is no answer for me.

I could either sit for all eternity in apparent boredom, or be reincarnated back into a dying world.

A world where the most important people no longer are.

I suppose I'm making a face, because Aqua continues talking excitedly.

"Hey, you don't want to go to a boring place like heaven, right? But asking you to let go of all your memories and start again as a baby is the same as erasing your existence since your memories will be gone. And so, I have great news for you!"

Wait, what? There's a third option? But why wait to tell me about it? Of course, the answer is obvious. The only reason to offer a third option. To make a contract with the World and become one of it's Counter Guardians.

The only response is⎯

"Do you like video games?" Aqua flashes a smile and asks something completely ridiculous.

"Huh?"

She stands up as the light in the room dims. With an audible sound, a powerful stage light kicks on and illuminates the area round Aqua, who has spread her arms as if on a stage.

"A world, which has long enjoyed peace, is being threatened by the Demon King and his armies! The livelihood of it's citizens are being trampled by monsters! Everyone lives in fear of the Demon King's army as they mercilessly pillage and slaughter!"

My mouth is hanging open at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. Not to mention, she's talking like some sort of divine sales person! Does she think I'm some kind of idiot? After a moment, the stage light clicks back off.

"The people who died in that world were killed by the demon king's army, and were very afraid, saying they didn't want to die like that again. And so, almost all the people who've died reject being reincarnating into that world again. More specifically, that world could end if this continues, since babies would cease to be born there. Hence, the problem can be solved by sending the dead from other worlds over right? That's how it is."

What a sloppy immigration policy.

"And since we're sending people over, we should find people who died young and still yearn to live, sending them over with their original body and memories. It would be meaningless if they died immediately after going over, so we grant a privilege to all those who are going to that world, allowing them to take any one thing they like to that world. It could be a powerful ability, an exceptional talent or god level weapon… What do you think? It might be another world, but you can live once more. For the people of that world, someone in fighting shape would appear. How about it? Isn't this great news?" She finishes her speech by leaning forward expectantly.

Let me get this straight…

"You know the world I would be leaving is dying too, right? So what does it matter to you if this 'other world' kicks the bucket?" My hands clench, and I grit my teeth.

She flinches back for a moment, nervously holding her hands "Well… that's… um, you see… That world is where all my worshippers live?"

…

Is she asking or telling? And didn't she say she guides the dead from Japan?

"So it's for selfish reasons."

"That's right! I don't want my cute little worshippers to die! You'll help, right? You won't let something bad happen to them, right?" She runs over to grab my hand, pleadingly.

"Urk.." She's even more beautiful up close… No, get away damn it! I shake her off and she backs up, staring imploringly at me, tears in the corners of her eyes.

My choices aren't exactly ideal.

I can restart life as an infant with no memories, and maybe live a long, peaceful life in a dying hell-hole.

I can go to 'Heaven' and spend the rest of eternity doing… nothing.

Or…

I can continue this stupid, selfish existence of mine…

What do I have to lose? Everything, no, _everyone_ I care about are already…

"I'll do it." I speak without thought "I mean, I evidently have no better options available." I don't trust this. Not even a little. However, there's no point in the other two options. Besides…

What would Miyu have me choose?

I couldn't' protect her but…

"Great choice!" Aqua exclaims, running to her desk to grab something "Just need you to read through this and accept your boon!"

She ran back over with some sort of textbook-sized book. It was mostly just legal stuff, with some explanations about the world I'll be heading to. One of the passages catch my eye...

 _Caution!_

 _Because the process of installing the ability to speak the parallel world's language into the one who wishes to be reincarnated there (henceforth referred to as 'Reincarnated) requires instantaneous overload of the Hippocampus and Cerebral Cortex (henceforth referred to as 'brain'), Reincarnated brain may, in rare cases, lose certain faculties (go pg 32f). Should the above scenario occur, according to Article 1296 Clauses 2 and 5 and Article 2051 Clause 3, Reincarnated may not hold those responsible for this reincarnation accountable for any⎯⎯⎯_

…

I read something ridiculous…

* * *

The list of boons turned out to actually just be optional choices.

I could have picked any of the legendary weapons, or powerful artifacts, or unbelievable powers.

I end up picking something perfect for me, as well as being granted some money and suspiciously familiar looking armor.

After my choice, I'm directed to stand in the middle of a magic circle, which lights up and slowly lifts me into the air.

"Emiya Shirou, you will be heading to another world now and become one of the candidate heroes to defeat the demon king. You will receive a gift from the gods the in the event that you defeat the demon king."

"… Gift?" Did that mean...

"That's right, a gift befitting a world savior… You will be granted a wish, it can be anything you want."

Anything…

That settles it then.

The only reason to go now is obvious.

I'll settle this just like I did the Grail War.

 _Wait just a while. I'll be there soon, Miyu._

"Hero! May you be victorious among the many hero candidates, and become the one to defeat the demon king… Well then, I bid you farewell!"

With a flash of bright light, I begin my journey in a new world…

* * *

( **No pov)**

Aqua returns to her seat with a sigh.

Another day, another soul to send off.

"Why can't something interesting happen…" The goddess complains to herself.

"Ah, well, Who's next? Satou Kazuma-san? How did you die…?"

* * *

 **Hello, and welcome to my first fanfiction, "Just My Luck!" I hope you enjoy!**

 **I will try to update as much as I can, but you can generally assume a bi-monthly release. Please review, so that I can get some criticism so I can do better! If you notice an error, or have any questions, please let me know!**

 **Catch you later!**

 **(10/27/17) Found an Error, fixed it.**

 **(12/6/17) Errors pointed out. Fixed.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Konosuba and Fate/Stay Night are owned by their respective companies and authors.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2: The Strongest Party is Born? (Part 1)**

I, Satou Kazuma, am having, in my honest opinion, a rather poor day.

But how could that be? The weather is perfect, the sun's shining, and the breeze blowing through the plains outside Axel isn't going too fast, nor too slow. In fact, this might be a nice spot for a picnic.

On a day like today, what could possibly be wrong?

Maybe it's the fact that I'm dirt poor. I mean, ever since I came to this world I've been living off barely anything, working multiple minimum wage jobs.

Maybe it's the stupid 'goddess' I'm stuck with in this world, but she's also my only companion.

"Ahhhhh! Help! Aqua, save meeeeeeeee!"

Maybe it's the two ton toad that's currently hopping after me, in an attempt to make me a part of its digestive tract.

It's currently the mating season for giant toads, they roam around human settlements where food is more plentiful, swallowing livestock raised by farmers in a single gulp. If they could swallow a goat whole, swallowing me or Aqua would be a simple matter.

In fact, children and farmers often go missing during this time of year. These things are dangerous monsters, stronger than the monsters that were exterminated near town.

Its thick fat is effective against blunt attack, and they hate metal, so you won't be hunted if you have a set of armor, so they are an easy foe for normal adventurers.

Which is why well equipped adventurers like to hunt them, but for someone like me with only a short sword and track suit for equipment…

At least I can run unimpeded

"Aqua, Aqua! Stop laughing and save meeeee!" I'm going to bury this woman when we get back!

"First, add a 'san' when you address me, you shouldn't act so familiar with a goddess." The stupid goddess calls out from a safe distance, holding her sides in an attempt to hold in her mirth.

"Aqua-sama~!" I'll bury her up to her neck, and let her feel the terror of being targeted by toads!

On the verge of tears, I turn to look at my pursuer who⎯ Huh, it's heading in a different direction now…

"Alright, I will save you, hikiNEET! But you will need to worship this goddess from tomorrow onwards! You have to join the Axis sect in town, and pray to me three times a day! You can't object if I take any side dishes from you during meals! And also⎯ ugh?"

Aqua, who was puffing her chest out and rambling on about something disappears. I turn my head and see the toad has stopped moving.

Something familiar is dangling from the corner of the toad's mouth.

"Aqua! You, how could you get eaten!" Disbelief dripping in my screaming voice.

Aqua, who is being eaten by the toad, has one leg dangling out of its mouth, spasming unconsciously.

"Craaaaaaaaaaap!" I charge the toad with my sword!

* * *

The two of us, Aqua and myself that is, have spent two weeks in this world. Immediately after arriving, I took us to the Adventurer's Guild and made us members.

You know, after Aqua got money from a kind- looking priest who took pity on us.

A priest who worshiped Aqua's junior in the 'fantasy world pantheon' that is.

After that, we spent the time doing hard labor, almost forgetting about killing the demon king. Needless to say, when we remembered, I bought myself a sword and took on a quest at the guild hall that looked easy.

Killing five giant toads in three days can't be that hard right?

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~" Beside me, and the now dead giant toad, Aqua continues to wail.

Well, actually, this is the second toad I've killed.

After I killed the first one and pulled Aqua out of it's mouth, she got really mad and ran up to another one and punched it, yelling: " _God Blow!"_ It was apparently an attack that uses Aqua's rage and sorrow for power. It was basically a cool-looking punch.

I think I already mentioned that toads resist blunt damage, right?

Needless to say, we're now two toads closer to our goal. But therein lies the problem. I can only kill the toads while they are immobilized, as I'm to scared to get close when they can still get me.

I look down at a traumatized Aqua, who's still crying and covered in slime from head to toe. She smells bad, and I don't think I can convince her to almost get eaten three more times.

Best choice is to either get reinforcements or better equipment…

"Let's go back for today. The mission we took on was exterminating five toads in three days, but they aren't opponents we could handle, so let's try again when we have better equipment. Look, I only have a short sword and no armor, I'm still wearing my track suit. Let's come back when we're dressed more like adventurers." The still crying Aqua manages a nod, and we make our way back towards town.

* * *

After returning to town, the first thing we did was head to the bathhouse to wash up. We then ate fried toad meat, the irony is not lost on me, in the Adventurer's Guild and discussed our plans.

Apart from being a meeting place for adventurers, the guild hall also doubles as a bar. It allows adventurers to sell the monsters they hunt as well. Cooking the monster meat was also a selling point.

We sold the meat of the two toads we hunted to the guild, earning some allowance. If you turn in a request to the guild, they will provide a pick-up service, transporting the monsters you defeat.

Selling one toad and deducting the transport fee, we earned 5000 Eris, this world's currency.

The earnings were about the same as doing the construction job we'd been doing, so minimum wage.

But the slightly tough fried toad meat was unexpectedly tasty, which made me surprised. When I first came to this world, I was a bit hesitant about eating lizard and toads. But when it was prepared and served to me, I found it to be rather delicious.

...Although the goddess before me eats anything without hesitation.

"But… Even if we want to recruit comrades, do you think anyone would want to team up with novices like us who don't even have proper equipment?" That is something that worries me, hopefully we can team up with some more experienced adventurers, but I shouldn't get my hopes up.

"Wiff mi hare, yuu juice node…" With a mouthful of toad meat, Aqua waves the fork in her hand.

"Swallow. Swallow before you speak." I speak up before she chokes herself.

Aqua swallows "With me here, I just need to holler and people will line up to join us. I am an Arch Priest after all, a top tier job! I can use all sorts of healing spells and support magic. I can even perform resurrections, definitely a talent any team would want." She stands, acting all high and mighty again.

When we got our guild cards, Aqua caused the entire guild to go crazy with her cheat-level stats. She was able to pick any top-tier job she wanted from the outset. Well, except for any of the Wizard jobs because she's stupid.

"I might have fallen to the mortal world and my powers are far from my peak, but I am still a goddess! I am Aqua-sama after all! I just need to put up a notice and a bunch of people begging me to go along on quests will show up! If you understand, then give me another piece of fried toad meat!" After finishing, the self proclaimed goddess sits and grabs a piece of fried toad meat from my plate as I watch her with a worried expression.

With a nod and a sigh, I head up to the front desk for some paper to write up our recruitment notice.

* * *

"… No one's coming…" Aqua mumbles to herself dejectedly.

After displaying a recruitment notice, we sat at a table inside the Adventurers guild and waited for potential companions to show up. It's been half a day.

The other adventurers definitely saw our notice. Besides us, a number of adventurers have been recruiting members. They conducted interviews, got to know each other, and headed off on what was probably a grand adventure.

I knew very well why no one's coming to talk to us.

"… Hey, there's no need to be so demanding, right? Although recruiting high level members is necessary to defeat the demon king… is it even possible to find such people in this place?" In this world, the adventurers jobs were divided into tiers, with some being top tier. Aqua's arch priest is one such top tier job.

My 'Adventurer' job is the lowest- tier.

"Ugh… But…" Aqua says on the verge of tears. Again.

"If this goes on, no one will apply! Besides, you may have an advanced job, but I have the weakest one. If we recruit a bunch of elites, I won't even have the right to speak anymore… Let's lower the requirements a bit…" I try to appeal to Aqua, but she probably needs to wait longer before she will listen.

Suddenly⎯

"Oh, Kazuma-san, Aqua-san, how are you doing?" A kind voice washes away my worries for the moment.

I look up to see a beautiful girl that's my age. She has shoulder-length silky violet hair and a pink ribbon tied on the left side of her head. Her eyes are violet too. She's dressed in a long-sleeved white shirt, with a black sleeve with red stripes through it attached to her left arm, and a long pink skirt. She's an adventurer from Japan who came here a day before I did, her name is Matou Sakura.

Truly, an example of the Ideal of Japanese beauty, a Yamato Nadeshiko… For such a kind and beautiful Onee-sama to talk to me… Ah, this world might not be so bad after all…

"Oh, you know, just waiting for people to come join our party! Hey, that reminds me! You know, if you aren't doing anything now, you could join us⎯" When Sakura joined the guild, she caused a minor uproar herself, as she had exceptional magic stats, as in, her output alone would have put her into top-tier territory, if not for her lower physical stats. She did pick a mid-tier job though, Warlock. The job revolves around using debuffs and spells that specialize in area damage.

If I can just get her to join us...

"I happened to notice your recruitment poster."A new voice interrupts me. "That we would meet is a fate chosen by the world itself. I have anxiously awaited the arrival of those such as yourselves."

The voice belongs to a girl in classical witch attire, with black cloak, dark boots, pointy hat and a staff, also an eyepatch covering her left eye. Her right eye with a red pupil looks sleepy. Her smooth black hair reaches her shoulders. Her features are delicate like a porcelain doll. It's a loli.

Oi, don't' interrupt while I'm talking to Sakura-chan. "Um, excuse me, but if you could wait⎯"

"I am Megumin! My calling is that of an arch wizard, one who controls explosion magic, the strongest of all offensive magic!" The small frail girl flings her cloak in a showy manner, cutting me off.

...huh?

The girl covers her face with a hand, so we can only see her visible eye. "Do you, too, desire my forbidden strength, which is so almighty that I have been ostracized by the entire world?"

"...HUH?" Aqua, Sakura, and I react in unison.

The girl removes the hand from her face and gestures to us "Then show me thine resolve to peer into the ultimate abyss with me! For when man stares into the abyss, the abyss stares back!" She proclaims something really chuni.

"… Are you here to poke fun at us?" I couldn't help retorting to the girl's self introduction.

"I-I'm not!" She denies in a panic.

"That red eye… Are one of the Crimson Demons?" The girl nods in response to Aqua's query and presents her adventurer's card to Sakura, who looks it over with Aqua.

"Indeed! I am Megumin, user of the finest magic Crimson Demons possess! My lethal magic demolishes mountains, smashes boulders..." She boisterously exclaims before calmly stating: "…And that's how it is, do you need an excellent mage? Also, I'm hungry. Could you give me something to eat before the interview?" Megumin looks at us with a sorrowful eye, a heartbreaking 'Ugu' sound coming from her stomach. Sakura says something that I don't quite catch.

"...I'm fine with treating you to a meal, but why are you wearing an eye patch? If you're injured, do you need this girl to heal you?" I offer politely, pointing a thumb rudely at Aqua. "Her one strong suit is healing magic." This elicits an angry scowl form Aqua.

"Hmmp… this is a magical tool to restrain my overwhelming power… If you pull it off… A great catastrophe would surely befall the world…" She poses dramatically.

"Oh… So it is something like a seal." I reason, walking towards her.

"I made that up. This is just a normal eye patch, it's just to look cool…" I grab the eyepatch and start to pull it off her eye. "Ah, sorry, please don't pull on that, stop, please!" She grabs my arm desperately to make me let go of her eyepatch.

"You know, Kazuma, the Crimson Demon race are born with high intelligence and have a strong affinity for magic. Generally, they are all expert mages. The Crimson Demon race are known for their red eyes… and their weird names." Aqua explains as I continue to pull on Megumin's eye patch.

… I understand. Just listening to her name and seeing that eye patch, I thought she was teasing me.

"Please cut it out! On second thought, it'll hurt if you just let go, so ease it back slowly! Just put it back⎯aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" I release the eye patch, causing a loud 'thwack' and Megumin's head to fly back. "Ow, my eye~!"

"Sorry, I thought you were making fun of us when you gave us that weird name."

"It's rude to say my name is weird. I think the names of the people in town are the weird ones." She replies sternly.

"… Right, may I ask for your parent's names?" I ask, I need to know…

"My mother is Yuiyui, my father is Hyoizaburo." She poses dramatically again.

…

Well, regardless, her guild card is real, so she really is an arch wizard, so we could use her in our party.

"Well, I might consider it. But first, Sakura-chan⎯" Is gone…

Huh?

"Oh, she had business to take care of with her party, so she left." Aqua explains.

"Stupid Goddess! Why did you let her get away⎯ Wait, her party?" I stopped another sentence.

"Yeah, she left with her newly-made party members on a quest. You weren't paying any attention, so she went off with a group of strong-looking guys. Not that a Hikikomori like you could have gotten her to join us anyway." Her explanation turns into a verbal beating.

…

DAMMIT! I'll really bury her next time!

No, let it go for now… More pressing issues right now… Like the powerful arch wizard offering to join you.

"Don't mind the details, order something to eat. I'm Kazuma, and this is Aqua. Pleased to meet you, 'Arch wizard'." I hand Megumin a menu. The wizard looks like she has something to say, but just takes the menu quietly in the end.

* * *

We brought Megumin along out to the plains to seek revenge against those giant toads, and to earn our reward. I can see a toad in the distance, which has already noticed us and is hopping our way. And I can see another one approaching us from the opposite direction as well.

"Explosion is the strongest magic, which means it also requires a long casting time. Before I am ready, please keep the toads at bay." Megumin orders, readying her staff.

That makes sense. The more powerful the attack, the less often one can use it.

For example, a machine gun fires hundreds of bullets at a high rate of fire, but each individual round does less damage. However, artillery cannons fire exceptionally powerful shells with incredible firepower.

Conversely, a magic that activates immediately will be weak, but have a low cost and be reliable in multiple situations. Explosion magic is a howitzer, dealing immense firepower at long range.

These toads are screwed.

"Please target the toad further away from us. As for the one nearer…" Megumin nods at my directions and turns in the direction of the chosen target, as I turn to Aqua "Hey, let's go Aqua. We'll avenge ourselves this time. You're a former something-or-other right? How about showing us what you're made of?" Let it be known that I'm not above manipulating others to get what I want.

"What do you mean by former? I am a current goddess! My position as an arch priest is just a disguise!" Aqua's hands grab my collar and starts shaking as hard as she can.

"…Goddess?" Megumin looks confusedly at the self-proclaimed goddess choking me out.

"… Just a pitiful woman claiming to be a goddess. She'll say stuff like that from time to time, please don't mind her." After hearing my explanation, Megumin looks at Aqua with a pitying expression. Aqua, now once again on the verge of tears, throws me down and charges towards the nearer toad in frustration brandishing her new staff like a mace.

"You are all just toads that are strong against physical attacks, so let me show you the power of a goddess! Kazuma, watch this carefully! I haven't done anything great yet, but I will definitely succeed today! Tremble before me and fall asleep! _God Requiem!_ " Light gathers around Aqua's staff as she thrusts it forward. "This attack is a goddesses requiem of love and sorrow! Any it strikes will perish!"

Aqua, who lacks any capacity to learn, shouts and successfully infiltrates the body of the toad, sealing its movements. As expected of a goddess, sacrificing herself to buy time. Her sacrifice will not be in vain.

Suddenly, the air around Megumin starts to tremble, as black light pours into her staff.

" _Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark, I beseech thee, combine with my deep crimson."_

Even a novice to magic like myself can tell that Megumin is preparing to use amazing magic.

" _The time of awakening cometh. Justice, fallen upon the infallible boundary, appear now as an intangible distortion!"_

Her chanting gets louder as sweat falls from her temples, the light spinning faster around her, a magic circle forming at her feet and the end of her staff.

" _Dance, Dance, Dance! I desire for a torrent of power; A destructive force! A Destructive force without equal!_

 _Return all creation to cinders, and come from the abyss!"_

"Watch closely. This is the mightiest means of attack known to humans, the ultimate attack magic…!" Megumin's red eye opened wide with a brilliant light.

" **AND IT'S NAME IS: EXPLOSION!"**

Light flashed through the plains. The light emitted from the tip of Megumin's staff arches towards the distance, hitting the toad approaching us dead on!

The violent effect of the spell can be seen immediately. That dazzling light and the deep, earth-rending boom reverberating in the air, a torrent of flame racing into the sky replacing the toads existence, vaporizing the large amphibian instantaneously. I'm almost blown away by that strong wind as I cover my face and brace myself. After the dust settles, a smoldering crater over twenty meters in diameter can be seen where the toad once was.

"Woah…" Is all I can think to say.

That's magic, huh?

I'm pulled from my musing as another toad climbs slowly from underground, probably woken up by the concussive shock wave and heat of the explosion.

Without rain or any sort of water source in the plains, the toads must dry up under the hot sun, so they burrow underground to avoid being baked toad climbing out is near Megumin, but its movement are sluggish. If we use this chance to move away from it, and let Megumin use her 'explosion' spell again, we could blow the toad into cinders no problem.

"Megumin! Let's retreat for now, and attack from a... distance…" I look over at Megumin and my body turns stiff.

Because Megumin is lying face down on the ground, sliding down the hill on her face.

If someone uses magic that exceeded their mana capacity, it would drain their physical stamina and life force to make up the difference.

Using powerful spells when your mana is depleted might even lead to death

… Unhelpful knowledge reminds me of the storage space it's taking up.

"Hmmp…" Megumin, to my relief, starts talking in a slightly muffled voice. "Explosion is my ultimate spell, it is powerful and uses a lot of mana… Simply put, the mana I used exceeded my limit, so I can't move. Ah, to think a toad would appear out of nowhere… That's no good, I will be eaten. Sorry, please save me… Hya…!" The toad's picks her up off the ground, intent on swallowing her.

Crap, a third toad appears just as I'm about to go help Megumin, who's closer to me than the half-swallowed Aqua.

This is bad.

I can't run from the toad If I want to save them, but I can't kill any of the toads unless their immobilized.

...Were done for.

I have to fight if I want to live but…

It's about ten meters to Aqua and roughly half that to Megumin.

I might be able to reach either one of them…

My only hope is to reach Aqua, and then have her be attacked by the newest toad while I save Megumin.

No. That is out of the question. I'll be killed before I reach either one, and I can't run away fast enough on my own.

If I do nothing, we die. If I move, we still die. This is the worst fear of any adventurer.

A no-win scenario.

It's almost laughable. I just started a brand new life in this world…

"Screw that!" I'm getting us out of here no matter what!

I pour strength into my legs and dash for Aqua as fast as I can!

At that instant though, I remember.

" _The giant toads greatest weapon is their tongues."_

I turn in time to see the tongue flying towards me. In a moment I'll be grabbed by the sticky muscle, and it's game over⎯

But the tongue just... disappears.

"Huh?" What happened?

The toad keels over, dead, with a large twisted piece of metal sticking out of it.

"Hang on!" A red blur says as it streaks past me.

Someone else is out here? I'm so confused, so it takes me a moment to realize I'm going to live. I turn to see to Aqua and Megumin, but that adventurer is already freeing them, having already killed the other two toads.

So fast...

"You all okay? Here, let's get you out of there…" The newcomer says to Aqua, helping the sobbing girl out as he does.

He's a guy my age. He's got red hair and golden brown eyes. He's wearing some kind of black body armor and a red cloth around his waist, his left arm, and as a headband. Slung over his back is a large matte-black bow. An archer? But his bow is as tall as he is!

Wait... That metal… It's an arrow? You'd need a ballista to fire something like that, not a bow! Now that I look at him, he doesn't appear to have any arrows on him. Maybe that bow makes arrows? I think I remember reading about something like that out of the various boons...

"Hey, you alright?" Oh, he's talking to me.

"Yeah, uh, thanks for the save, um…" I've never seen this guy before, so his name escapes me.

"Shirou. Emiya Shirou." He introduces himself with a Japanese name. Ah, now that explains the bow, arrows, and cool-looking armor.

I don't think I'll be able to get along with someone who got a handy-dandy boon from that stupid goddess. He's probably had an easy time here thanks to that⎯

What am I, thankless? I should give this guy the benefit of the doubt for now. So first...

* * *

 **(Shirou's POV)**

"I'm Satou Kazuma, the girl who's not moving is Megumin, and I think you already know Aqua." The guy in the tracksuit introduces himself. He's a little shorter than I am, and has short, spiky brown hair and green eyes.

"I know. Well, that is, I'm acquainted with everyone here but you, actually." I admit, scratching my head. He looks surprised.

"You know this crazy girl?" He points at Megumin, who's lying prone on the ground, covered in toad gunk.

Funny story that. I first met her while I was in the forests nearby Axel, when I heard screams. I arrived in the area just in time to see the sight of the person I would come to know as Megumin breaking the neck of a One-Hit Rabbit (or Unicorn Bunny if you prefer) that was stuck in a tree by it's horn. That kind of bare-handed-hare murder was quite a sight, especially considering how frail the girl looks.

Anyway, so Megumin and her friend, Yunyun, ran from a hoard of said monsters, which I helped them run from by killing the ones that got too close with my bow. It's kind of difficult to shoot behind you while running, you know? Megumin used explosion, it was super-effective, and after a couple of days, and an anecdote featuring a greater demon (long story? I said it was an anecdote. hm.), I started looking after her.

But back to the present...

I carefully, as to avoid getting any of the toad gunk on me, help Megumin into a sitting position, leaning her against a toad carcass.

"I've taken it upon myself to look after her, but I've only known her for a week. In that time, she's been kicked out of four parties." I turn to stare down at my ward, whose expression has turned fearful. "Which is why I'm wondering why you didn't let me know you were joining a party today."

I let my voice sound sickeningly sweet while making my expression thunderous. "I mean, you at least told them that you can only cast **one** spell, and that you can only use it **once a day,** right?" I lean in, bringing my face close to hers, tears starting to form in the corner of her one visible eye. "I mean, no one would willingly lead others into danger to satisfy their addiction to cacophonous noise and enormous fireballs, right?"

I get down on one knee to be perfectly even with her."And that same person wouldn't ignore their caretaker, and cause him to run pell-mell all over town looking for them, and force him to ask around at the guild for the whereabouts of his ward. And upon finding out the situation sprinting top speed all the way out to the plains to find a party about to be devoured by toads!" I raise my fist, causing Megumin to flinch.

"You're a real handful you know that?" I say softly, as I take off her hat and rub the top of her head, which, underneath her hat, was the one place not covered in toad goo.

"You- you're not mad?" Megumin asks hesitantly

I smile my best smile "Oh, no I'm completely livid. But I'm willing to forgive you since everyone⎯?" I look questioningly to Kazuma, who nods in affirmative. "⎯Since everyone survived."

"Sensei…" Megumin looks to me with a smile before excitedly exclaiming: "Did you see the explosion? It was more powerful today for sure!"

Right, about the 'Sensei' bit… I may have told her about how I only use one magic and she took it to mean that I was chunibyo like her… but since I'm older than her, I can't be her rival, so I need to teach her instead…

I ended up teaching her things my dad taught me...

"Oh? And how many toads did you kill with it?" I already know…

"She killed one." Kazuma confirms my suspicion in the most deadpan tone I've ever heard.

…

"Megumin, what did you become an adventurer for again?" I ask, calmly.

"To follow my dream of using the most powerful magic." Her decisive answer was given quickly.

… I guess I can't argue with that.

"Um, maybe we should get back to town first…" Kazuma points out.

I sigh, but nod in agreement. I also continue to pointedly ignore the goddess who's been sobbing childishly this whole time.

Why is she here, again?

* * *

"Ugh… Ugu… it smells… it smells like fish…" Aqua, who's still covered in slime complaints for the hundredth time, as she follows behind us.

"It's smelly inside the toads, but the warm feeling isn't too bad… I gained some knowledge that I would rather not know…" Megumin, who Kazuma's carrying on his back, since I'm the only one who can reliably protect this fledgling party, tells us guys something we would rather not know.

We've just gotten back to Axel after our little misadventure, and are heading to the public baths to get the girls washed up.

"From now on, explosion magic is banned unless there's an emergency. Please work hard by using other spells, Megumin." Kazuma spoke up. Oh, about that...

"… I/She can't." Megumin and I reply.

"… Huh? Can't what?"

"… I can only use the explosion spell. I don't know any other magic." Megumin informs him.

"… Are you serious? Wait, you mean what you said earlier about one spell..." Kazuma's face visibly pales.

"… Yes." I confirm his worst fears.

"What do you mean by knowing only explosion magic? If you had enough skill points to learn explosion, you must had learned other spells right?" Suddenly, Aqua joins the discussion.

… Skill points? Speaking of which, Luna-san at the guild did mention something about skill points.

Seeing that Kazuma and I are confused, Aqua explains. "Skill points are something you earn when you choose a job, or gain experience, and are used to learn skills. The more potential a person has, the more skill points they start out with. You can learn all sorts of skills by investing your skill points. For example, the excellent me has learned all the party tricks as well as all the spells of an arch priest."

"… Where are you going to use party tricks?" Kazuma and I ask in unison.

Aqua pretends not to hear the question and continues. "Depending on the person and the job, there are restrictions to the skills they may learn. For example, someone with a fear of water would need more points to learn water or ice elemental spells… But detonation series magic are composite spells, you would need deep knowledge of fire and wind magic to master them. This means that people who can learn detonation magic should be able to easily learn other spells."

So, like how a person's elemental affinity and origin affect them and the magecraft they can use, such as my 'Sword' affinity.

"This means that it doesn't make sense to be unable to learn low grade spells when you know high tier magic from the detonation series… Anyway, where can you make use of party tricks?" Kazuma asks again.

Megumin mumbles "… I am an arch wizard who loves the explosion spell. What I like is not detonation magic, but the explosion spell itself."

Really, what's the difference between detonation spells and explosion magic? No, more importantly, I'm totally distracted by the idea of party tricks.

Megumin speaks up again. "Adventures would definitely be easier if I learn other spells. Fire, water, earth, wind and light, learning spells those would be a good idea… But I couldn't do it. My only love is explosion magic."

She pumps her fist into the air in a show of her resolve. "Even though I can only cast it once per day, even if I will collapse after using it, my one true love is still explosion magic! The only reason I chose the path of the arch wizard was to cast explosion!"

"Incredible! Amazing! Your resolve to follow your romantic dreams despite knowing it is inefficient is deeply moving!" Aqua exclaims. Aqua and Megumin look at each other with newfound respect, giving each other a nod and a thumbs up.

Kazuma suddenly interrupts them, a big, but clearly fake, smile on his face. "I see. I think that will definitely be a difficult path to walk, so do work your hardest. Ah, I can see the town, let's divide the rewards equally at the guild. Yes, let's meet again someday."

Megumin's grip visibly tightens, looks like she's getting her strength back. "Hmmp… My only wish is to use explosion magic, so the bounty reward is just a complimentary bonus. How about this, I don't need to split the rewards evenly, if you are willing to foot the bill for food, bath and miscellaneous items, I can consider not taking any rewards." Woah, her voice got low and scary.

"That's right, my power as an arch wizard is available at the price of meals and other miscellaneous fees! How could you miss this opportunity to form a long term contract!" She sounds like a salesman… No wonder she and Aqua are getting along...

"No no no, our weak team is not worthy of such amazing power. That's right, it's too much to ask you to stay in our team with your amazing abilities. A team just starting out should make do with a normal mage. Look at me, my job is the weakest too." He attempts to counter, his face twisted into a mock smile.

"No no no no, it doesn't matter if you are novices or weak. I might have a top tier job, but I am still a beginner too. My level is only six! Why, when my level grows, I won't collapse even after using my spell! So let's talk this over okay?" Megumin grabs Kazuma's shoulder with her hand in what I can only assume is a death grip, which Kazuma tries to desperately pry off.

"No no no no no, it's too hard to utilize a mage that can only cast one spell a day. Ugh, she's a mage, but her grip is strong…!'' He looks to me for that part. Oh, now he's yelling, swinging his body around wildly in an attempt to shake her off.

"Let go! I can see why the other parties probably don't want you either! The explosion spell can't be used in dungeons or indoors, which would render you totally useless! Hey, let go of me! I'll split the rewards equally with you! Please let go!" He sounds desperate, he has a pained expression.

"Please don't ditch me! No team is willing to take me in! I'm willing to carry the luggage or-or-or anything when exploring dungeons! Please, don't throw me away!" It's probably because Megumin was yelling 'don't throw me away', that passer bys start whispering while looking at us. Because we are in town, it made us the center of attention.

"No way… Those men want to abandon that child…" One woman said.

"They have two girls covered in slime with them..." Another added.

"To toy with such a small child, and to abandon her after that, what trash. Look! Why are the girls covered in goo? What weird sexual games did those perverts make them do?" A third despaired.

Why am I being included in this?

Aqua is smiling deviously upon hearing them. Uh oh. Ammo is all she needs by the look of that expression.

Kazuma turns toward the bystanders and screams desperately. "It's not like that!"

Megumin seems to have heard their whispers too, as she looks like she realizes something...

Kazuma looks at Megumin who's peeking over his shoulder, a malicious smile forming on her face, even as a cold sweat pours down his…

Now, Megumin has been kicked out of enough parties to know when to use any blackmail material she just so happens to come across.

Something that Kazuma realizes a moment too late...

"I'm fine with any sort of erotic acts you like! Even using the toad's slime like today is okay⎯ !" She yells out loudly, causing her voice to carry itself to as many ears as possible.

"Alright I get! Megumin, I'll be in your care!" Kazuma folds faster than I thought he would, spinning around to cover Megumin's mouth with his hands before she can cause more damage.

"Hooray! Sensei, Sensei look! I found us a party!" She happily whoops once she gets her mouth free.

… And all it took was to ruin our reputations completely, huh?

"Wait, you're joining too?" Kazuma looks at me, a hopeful expression on his face.

"Yep, you can count me in too, since Megumin's joining. That way, my kills today count towards the total for the quest you guys are on, and we won't have to go back tomorrow, right?" Kazuma looks at me with a relieved expression and nods.

Now, about that bath...

* * *

 **Welcome back to another chapter of "Just My Luck!" and thank you for all the feedback so far!**

 **Now it's time for the segment where I answer questions and talk to you, the reviewer!**

 **First up: What is Shirou's Boon that he recieved from Aqua?**

… **um, thats a secret for now… He does have one, but…**

 **Second Question! Are you going to have music options all the time?**

 **No! Only in important situations, and not as many as in the first chapter, I promise.**

 **Third! "Hey, isn't this just copying eppleMax's story "Into the Night"?**

 **No, no it is not. We are copying from the same source though, and I will admit that I enjoy his fan-fiction (Update, already!) and it was an inspiration. I apologize if the first chapter's seem alike, but there are only so many ways to right that first part.**

 **Besides, I have seen plenty of clone fics, and this one isn't. However, I again apologize for any discomfort caused by my writing, and recommend that you give "Into the Night" a read if you havn't.**

 **Anyway, I hope you keep reading and reviewing!**

 **Catch you later!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Konosuba and Fate/Stay Night are owned by their respective companies and authors.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3: The Strongest Party is Born? (Part 2)**

 **(Shirou's POV)**

I wake up from a good, long night's sleep the morning after the toad incident.

After splitting up, Megumin, Aqua, and myself to get baths, and Kazuma to go confirm the completion of the quest, we met up at the guild where Kazuma, who looked rather dejected for some reason, returned mine and Megumin's guild cards and gave Megumin her reward.

I stretch, before falling to the floor to get some push-ups and sit-ups done before I go get breakfast. By the way, it's five-thirty in the morning. One of my super-powers is the ability to wake up at this time, no matter how late I went to sleep, unless I accidentally sleep in. Don't misunderstand though, I am not a morning person.

All I have is willpower.

"196...197...198...199...200!" I collapse and let the fatigue wash over me as I catch my breath.

This routine, waking up early and working out, was something that I learned from Kiritsugu. Although I hadn't done it in a month, after coming to this world, my body easily got used to it again. I guess it's a little different now that I don't have a dojo to work in…

I shake off the unneeded thoughts and change into my armor.

In the two weeks since I've been in this world, I've been staying at a local hotel using the money I was given at the beginning. It was a good thing too, since I really had no idea where to start with finding a steady income. I didn't find out where the guild was until the third day, so the money really was a godsend.

… Goddess-send?

I still remember when I got my card…

I'd just paid the fee to Luna-san behind the counter (Though I didn't know her name at the time), and she had me place my hand over some kind of magical apparatus that would determine what my parameters were.

It glowed and spun, and I could feel an odd feeling in my circuits, almost like magical energy was moving through them. The light faded, and Luna looked over the results.

"Let's see...Oh! High strength, vitality, and speed… A good magic stat, average intelligence, but poor luck…" She mused to herself for a little while, thinking over what job I could take before giving me my choices.

"Hm… It seems that a low-to-mid tier job would suit you the best… How about one of the fighter or mage jobs?" She leaned forward, causing her blouse, which doesn't cover much anyway, to show even deeper into her rather deep cleavage. "As the names suggest, the fighter jobs put emphasis on strength and physical combat, usually fighting at close range, and are often considered good for beginning adventurers, or the mage jobs, which primarily use magic powers to attack at long range."

"Honestly, neither kind seem like a good fit for me." I said after thinking on it for a moment or two. I wonder if what I asked next was ironic or not... "Are there any jobs for archers?"

She blinked at that question, I suppose she didn't expect me to ask something like that. "Can you use a bow?" She tilted her head in a curious, and kind of cute, manner. I almost felt insulted when she asked that question, but I suppose it was warranted.

"Yeah, I think I can shoot pretty well." I can hit any target, even if they are moving at high speed, with one-hundred percent accuracy within a four kilometer radius. Although, that kind of accuracy was only possible after I used the Archer Class Card the first time.

Well, that and I didn't have the hardware I have access to now…

"Well, in that case, you can be a sniper, magical, or sword-wielding archer. Judging by that expression, I assume that you find one of these options to be to your liking?"

"Well, If there was a variation of all of them rolled into one, then we might be on the right track…" Luna seemed surprised by that as well.

"I'm afraid that there isn't a class so well suited to you, but there is the most basic job: Adventurer." It seemed like it pained her to tell me that. "It isn't a strong job, but you can learn any skills you want, but at a higher cost to your skill points."

In the end, I picked adventurer as my first job, seeing as how I could change it at any time.

I pick myself up off the floor and move to finish the rest of my morning routine, before getting dressed in my armor, and heading out.

* * *

Aqua and Kazuma arrive at the guild at around noon, so together with myself and Megumin, we sit down to have lunch. Man, it kind of hurts my soul to not have gotten anything done in all this time today…

"Hey, I've been wondering, how do you learn skills anyway?" Kazuma asks an interesting question. How does that work anyway? I mean, last time I learned skills from a card...

"Learning skills? That's easy, look at your card and choose from the 'skills that can be learned' column." Megumin speaks up, gesturing with her fork. "Oh right, your job is adventurer, so for basic tier jobs, you need someone to teach you them. You need to see the skill in action for it to show up in the 'skills that can be learned' section, and you learn the skills by spending the required skill points." I take a look at my card while she talks, finding the required section, which is oddly empty.

I then look in the area entitled 'learned skills'. Its separated into the 'magic' and 'skills' subcategories. I look in the 'skills' category first.

 **Independent Action-** The ability to act independently from others, useful for reconnaissance. After battle, recover a small amount of vitality. If the user sustains lethal damage, they can survive for a short period.

 **Magic Resistance (basic)-** Grants protection against magical effects. This ability cancels spells altogether, up to beginner level.

 **Hawk Eye-** Simply looking from a high location is sufficient to fully survey a town and search for enemies. Affects the accuracy of bows. Allows for execution of ultra long-range sniping precisely even against targets moving at high speeds within a four kilometer range.

 **Eye of the Mind (False)-** Natural talent to foresee/sense and avoid danger on the basis of an innate 6th sense, intuition, or prescience. The accuracy of this instinct can be augmented by experience. Capable of calm analysis of battle conditions even when in danger and deduce an appropriate course of action after considering all possibilities to escape from a predicament. So long there is even a 1% chance of a comeback, this ability greatly improves the chances of winning.

There is another skill but…

 **?- (SEALED)**

It doesn't appear to be of any use at the moment. I try using some skill points on it, but nothing happens.

Then, under the 'magic' category.

 **Reinforcement-** Ability to analyze the structural composition of an object, and increase its effectiveness, making it more durable or its shape more practical, or return it to its original state. Can also use it to improve upon the physical capabilities the body.

 **Projection Magic (Sword)-** A magecraft that reproduces tools for a few minutes by means of images. When the target of projection falls under the category of 'sword', the overall effectiveness increases. able to grasp the structure of a substance and temporarily replicate it. Able to duplicate weapons, including all material components, to near perfection. In addition, during duplication, able to read the original wielder's skills, allowing for limited use of abilities not known to 'Emiya Shirou'.

 **Unlimited Blade Works: Infinite Creation of Swords- (ERROR- UNABLE TO DEFINE)**

Archer's skills are, of course, the skills I already posses. I suppose that Archer's powers were a 'boon' on their own.

"So that means if Megumin teaches me, I could use explosion magic?" Kazuma asks, causing Megumin to leap up.

"Yes! That's it, Kazuma! The skill points needed would be absurdly high, but the adventurer job is the only one other than arch wizard that can learn explosion! I can teach you if you want to learn, no, there are no other skills that are worth learning except explosion right? Of course not! Come, let's take the path of explosion together!" She basically leaps over the table, sprawling herself out to grab the guy's hands.

"Calm down loli-brat, I only have three skill points, so there's no way I can learn it right?" Kazuma's deadpan response kills the energetic mood.

"Lo... loli…?" Ah, it did a lot of damage.

"Just how many skill points does it cost anyway?" I ask Aqua, since Megumin needs time to recover. I've been curious for a while now, since Megumin has only been an adventurer for about a month now, when did she learn such a powerful spell? Or rather, how did she get the points to do it?

"If an adventurer wants to learn the explosion spell, twenty skill points wouldn't be enough. You would probably need to train for a decade or two and invest all your points earned in that time to learn it." Geez that seems intense. So wait, how…

"When they turn twelve years old, all kids in the Crimson Demon village start learning magic, and to earn the arch wizard job, Sensei." Megumin, who has shaken off her stupor, starts lecturing me.

"The students there accumulate skill points daily in order to master the type of magic they desire. Besides killing monsters and eating rare food to gain experience points by leveling up, skill points can only be gained by drinking the rare 'Skill Up' potion."

All things in the world have souls. No matter what form it takes, if you eat or kill a living thing, you can absorb a part of it's soul, in the form of 'Experience Points'. Of course, higher level monsters and rarer ingredients for food grant more experience. It sounds just like something out of a video game.

"Oh, and just so you know, the greatest of all magic, explosion, requires fifty skill points to learn." Her level is currently six, with only one skill points earned per level increase, with each level costing more experience than the last.

Wait, if Megumin is thirteen, and learning magic starts at age twelve...

I whistle in appreciation "Wow, you must have worked pretty hard to learn something like that in just a year." I'm bound to be underestimating the sheer amount of work one would have to got through something like that.

"Yes, yes, praise me more! I am Megumin! Arch Wizard Extraordinaire, Master of the Mightiest Magic, Explosion! Number One Student of the Crimson Demon School!" She boisterously proclaims. You could practically hear the intensity of her capital letters.

"Hey, Aqua, you should have plenty of convenient skills right? Do you have any easy to learn skills you can teach me? I'd prefer those that don't need a lot of points and are useful." Kazuma asks, ignoring Megumin.

Aqua sits thoughtfully for a moment, tapping her chin with a finger, while holding her cup of water.

"… I suppose it can't be helped; But I must warn you, my skills are amazing! They aren't meant to be passed on lightly!" Kazuma gives her a sour look at her tone, but remains silent. He eventually nods in affirmation.

"Well, look at this cup. Put a cupful of water on top of your head, and don't let the cup fall off. Here, try it." Kazuma obeys, mimicking Aqua's actions and putting his cup on top of his head.

Aqua then takes out a seed from somewhere and places it on the table.

"Alright, now flick this seed into the cup, you must do it in one try." She does just that, the seed flying in a perfect arc. "Something amazing is happening! The seed is absorbing the water and sprouting…"

"Who asked you to teach me party tricks you worthless goddess!" Kazuma interrupts, slamming his fist on the table.

"Eh~ but… but...?" Aqua becomes dejected and rolls the seed she was giving to Kazuma around the table with her finger.

"Hahaha! That's so funny! Hey, you guys are the party Darkness wanted to join, right? You want to learn something useful? How about thief skills?" Someone interjects suddenly.

I turn my head and see two women occupying the neighboring table. The one talking is a woman wearing light leather armor. She's a pretty girl with a small scar on her face, silver hair, and purple eyes.

Beside her is a blond beauty in full-plate mail, a female knight. She gives off the vibe of a cool beauty at first sight as she looks at us expressionlessly. She has blonde hair and blue eyes. Probably a year or two older than me.

Kazuma stills at the sight of the blond, causing a drop of sweat to roll down the side of his head.

"Erm, what do you mean by thieving skills? What are they like?" He manages eventually.

The girl that looks like a thief responds cheerfully: "Excellent question! Thief skills are quite practical indeed! They include, but are by no means limited to: 'Disarm Traps', 'Enemy Detection', 'Lurk', and 'Steal', and are all skills that are worth learning!" One of those sound rather fishy... "Your job is the basic tier adventurer right? Thieving skills don't require many points, so it's a great deal! How about it? I can teach them to you if you treat me to a glass of crimson beer!"

For a cheap price like that, it's all well and good but…

"Who are you?" I feel the need to ask.

The thief knocks herself on the head "Duh, I guess I should've opened with that huh? I'm Chris. And as you can see, I'm a thief. And this person with the moody face is Darkness." She gestures to her companion before pointing at Kazuma "You two met yesterday right? She's a crusader and shouldn't have any skills that are useful to you, but if you decide to take her into your party, please take care of her for me."

"Hello! I'm Kazuma, nice to meet you, Chris! These three are Aqua, Shirou, and Loli Arch Wizard." He gestures to each of us in turn.

"That's Megumin!" Said Loli Arch Wizard spits back. "Fuu… To call me a loli…for a second time..." She starts to mumble darkly to herself.

"So anyway, I would like to learn some skills." Kazuma ignores the fuming Megumin and gets the attention of the nearest waitress "Excuse me! Please get a mug of ice cold crimson beer for this lady!"

After downing her beer in what I believe was record time, Kazuma, Chris, and Darkness leave to teach Kazuma some skills, leaving me alone with our two depressed companions. With Megumin, quietly and mechanically taking in nutrients, and Aqua continuing to play with that seed.

… It's awkward…I need to do something or...

"Hey, Aqua." She pitifully looks up at me, her eyes dead and empty. "If you want… you could teach me that skill…" Her face brightens immediately, like a thousand suns. It's kind of too much…

"Oh, of course! There are no other skills anyone would want to know, right? And to learn from me should be a great privilege! Here, here, put this cup on your head and..." She continues like that for awhile…

* * *

 **(Kazuma's POV)**

After learning the skills, I return to the bar and find it to be quite lively.

"Aqua-sama, one more time! I'm willing to pay for it, could you perform 'Nature's Beauty' once more?"

"Fool, Aqua-san prefers food instead of money! Right, Aqua san! I will treat you to a meal, so please do 'Nature's Beauty' again!"

For some reason, there was a crowd around Aqua who looks troubled.

"Do it again! Do it again! Here, throw my knife next!"

"No, throw mine!"

"Who do you think you are? Shirou-san will throw my knife now!"

…And why is Shirou surrounded by female adventurers? Why does he look so flustered?

No, more importantly, why is there a cup with a flower growing out of it on his head?

"Sensei, Sensei, how do you keep doing that? Is it a skill? How can you keep hitting the target so easily?!" I hear Megumin's voice through the incessant rabble.

"I... well... I just…. Imagine it hitting… and it does…" Shirou manages to stutter through an explanation.

He 'imagines it?' What kind of explanation is that? Isn't that obvious?

"Talent shows are not things that could be performed several times on request! A great man once said 'A funny joke can only be told once'. Doing the same trick several times because it is popular means you are a third-rate performer! I am not a performer, so I won't accept money for my performance! This should be the basic attitude of any talent show artisan. And I didn't perform 'Nature's Beauty' for you to see– ah! Kazuma you're finally back!" Aqua pushes through the crowd with an annoyed face. As she arrives she looks curiously at the now sulky Chris standing beside me.

Megumin and Shirou follow a moment later.

"What's with her?" Megumin asks, nodding her head in Chris's direction.

Before I can explain, Darkness says: "She's just depressed because, when she taught Kazuma thief skills, her panties were stripped off, and then all the money she had was taken." bluntly, like that was all there was too it. She had my wallet dammit! We traded my wallet and her's for her panties back!

"Hey, hold up, what you said was true, but hold on a minute!" My companions expressions darken, especially Shirou… I can feel an oppressive aura…

Before I can tell the whole story, Chris, now clearly showing crocodile tears says: "He said that… giving back his wallet wouldn't be enough… So I said that I would pay any price… If he'd just return my panties…" The looks on everyone in earshots faces are now various shades of horror, disgust, and rage.

"Then he told me to decide how much my panties were worth, and that if I didn't offer an amount that would satisfy him, my panties would become a family heirloom!" Her fake crying reaches a fever pitch.

"Hey, wait a second! The expressions of everyone here are starting to turn cold, please don't speak anymore!" She then, so that no one but myself can see, sticks out her tongue at me.

"This level of counter attack isn't too overboard right? Well then, I will be back after earning some cash, so have fun in the meantime." She whispers the last in a sing-song voice, a large grin on her face.

"So… I take it that you managed to learn some skills then…" Shirou, please don't sound like you'll murder me depending on my answer…

"Uh… Yeah, here check this out! _Steal!"_ I grab towards Megumin and activate the thief skill 'Steal'. This is a skill that can snatch away one item possessed by the target, and it could be anything. Be it the weapon gripped tightly in their hands, or the wallet secured deep in their pockets, it can steal any one item possessed by the target. The probability of success, and the worth of the item, is dependent on one's luck stat.

The one time I've used it, it got me a pretty girl's panties that I returned for a prettier penny.

Anyway, as the light of the skill fades, I feel something appear in my hand. I open my hands to reveal a black cloth…

Its panties….

A rather daring pair of lacy black panties.

Megumin's voice is devoid of emotion. "… What happened? After your level and stats increased, did you change jobs from adventurer to pervert? … It feels cold below, please return my panties to me…"

You know that oppressive aura I felt earlier? Well, now it feels like a blade to my jugular. I don't even recognize Shirou through the dark presence surrounding him…

"Oi, Kazuma. I realize that it's all well and good to learn new things and to show off to those around you, but could you have had more tact? Or perhaps you have always been this way and it would have been better to leave you to those toads from yesterday?" Shirou says, a cheerful smile on his face belaying the dark aura around him.

"What is this, it shouldn't be like this… It should be a skill that steals something at random!" I hurriedly returned the panties to Megumin before I get castrated or labeled as an 'enemy of all women'.

Darkness, whose eyes are sparkling for some reason says: "I was right! To have stripped the panties of a young girl with so many people watching, you really are the worst…! Please…! Please let me join this party!"

"Denied." I reply without delay.

"Hmm…? Eh…!" Darkness's face turns red and her body trembles as she hears my unhesitant reply. What should I do? This female knight is definitely a bad type…

Aqua, Shirou, and Megumin seem curious about Darkness…

"Hey, who is this person Kazuma? Was she the one who came for the interview while Megumin and I went to wash up?" Aqua asks.

"Hold on, this lady is a crusader. There is no reason to reject her right?" Megumin surmises from Darkness's gear.

The two of them start talking nonsense as they stare at Darkness. This is bad… And I rejected her yesterday too…

But I can think about this later. I still have a chance to turn things around…

"Shirou, I don't know if you realize it, but there's a cup full of water on your head, with a flower growing out of it." All I need is a distraction, and one just so happens to have presented itself.

"Hm? Oh yeah, about that…" Shirou says, reaching up and taking the cup off his head and placing it on a nearby table. "After you left, I decided to find out for myself what learning a skill was like, so I asked Aqua to teach me."

"Wait, you spent five skill points on a party trick like that?" No way. There's no way any logically thinking person would spend that many points on something like that…

"That's the crazy thing!" Megumin says "He got it in on his first try!"

"Yeah, Shirou is quite skilled, it went straight in, and got the desired result, without prior knowledge of what to do." Aqua agrees.

"And after that, all the women in the bar wanted him to do it for them, too." Megumin adds.

"And they started fighting over who got to be next."

"It looked like it would be too much to handle, so he took care of all of them one at a time."

… What?

"... I flicked the seed into the cup on my first try, it grew into a flower, and then a bunch of adventurers wanted me to throw things for them." Shirou explains, with a slightly red face.

"Yeah! And no matter what happened, he always managed to hit what they asked him to!" Megumin interjects.

Okay yeah, I figured that this guy would be able to hit stuff since he has a bow and all, but throwing things? Like what, knives?

Before I can ask…

"Emergency quest! Emergency quest! All adventurers in town, please gather at the front gate! I repeat, emergency quest! Emergency quest! All adventurers in town, please gather at the front gate at once!" The loud broadcast can be heard across the entire town, so it was probably amplified through magic.

"Hey, what are emergency quests? Are monsters raiding the town?" I feel a bit uneasy, but Darkness and Megumin seem elated.

"It's probably cabbages, since it's the harvesting season for them." Darkness says joyfully.

…

"Huh? Cabbage? Is that the name of some monster?" After expressing my thoughts, Megumin and Darkness look at me pitifully.

"Cabbage is something round, green and edible." Megumin deadpans.

"It is crunchy and refreshing, a delicious vegetable." Darkness says slowly, like lecturing a child.

"I know that! Then what's happening? The guild said there's an emergency quest, so what? Do the farmers need help from the adventurers or something?" It seemed weird for me who was working as a construction worker recently to say this, but I didn't come here to farm.

"Yeah, what do they need us for?" Luckily, Shirou is here to ask the important questions.

Before the other two can say anything more, Aqua speaks up.

"Ahh… You two wouldn't know about that would you? I'll tell you, the cabbages in this world…"

* * *

 **(Shirou's POV)**

Cabbage.

"The cabbages of this world can fly. When they reach optimal flavor, and harvest time approaches, they take to the skies. They fly through cities, across plains, and pass over continents and cross the ocean. Until they pass away in a secluded region unknown to man, without being eaten. If that's the case, let's catch as many as possible, and make them into delicious meals to eat!" Is what Aqua had to say about these unholy flying vegetables.

… That's…. So… Dumb.

I mean, the sheer audacity of it all. Which, of all the divine presences in this world, were inebriated enough to think of something so unbelievably stupid as flying cabbages?

I see an adventurer get taken down by a trio of cabbages that flew at him in a single file line. Moving in at high speed, the trio lined up one behind the other, forming a lethal simultaneous triple assault in which two of the members attack by distractingly moving their leaves by flapping them, while the third moved into melee range, and barreled into the man's noggin.

"It's a crosscurrent attack! Be careful if you see three cabbages flying in formation!"

"There's too many of them!"

"Attack! Don't let them overwhelm you!"

" _Cabba!"_ The cabbage's 'cabbaged' threateningly.

… Why?

"Everyone! It's time to harvest cabbages this year! The quality of the cabbages are great this time around, so each one is worth 10,000 Eris! We have already evacuated the residents. So please harvest more cabbages and turn them in at the cages!" Luna calls out. Oh, that's why.

"Can I just go home and go back to sleep?" Kazuma, who's standing next to me murmurs to himself. I see, he can't stand to accept this reality either. He's lucky if he can pretend that it's all a dream.

"Kazuma." The two of us turn to see that woman, Darkness. "I think it's time I show you my abilities as a Crusader." She steps past us, drawing her sword as she charges a hoard of cabbages in front of us. "Please watch carefully! I will show you why I should join your party!"

She runs into their midst swinging her sword in wide sweeping arcs.

The sword moves in perfect arcs without any wasted movement.

The cabbages don't dodge because their isn't a need to.

She misses them all, and I can't figure out how.

The cabbages quickly recover from the, er, onslaught, and start slamming into Darkness in a large mob. Her armor, which is quite dense, starts to take damage, denting and breaking off. Her clothes beneath become torn and ragged as well.

"They're watching me… These uncultured men are looking at my skin and getting aroused!... How… How… HOW SHAMEFUL!" She exclaims, spreading her arms wide to accept more blows. "It's so filthy… It's Incredible!" Her face twisted in ecstasy, she proclaims her perverse nature to the world.

…

…

…

...Huh?

What. The. F⎯

"We've got a hoard of monsters approaching from the forest! They must have followed the cabbages!" Someone yells over the commotion.

I look in that direction, using Eagle Eye to home in. A large dust cloud is all I see before the mish-mash of various monsters become visible to my honed eyes.

Monsters? Now? Flying cabbages aren't enough to make a mess?

"Monsters? Now? This cabbage business isn't madness enough?" Kazuma proclaims what I was just thinking.

"I can take them out before they get here." I say as I brandish my bow. "I'll take care of them so⎯"

"HA HA HA!" Megumin announces, as in literally she says 'ha'. "None can stand in opposition to my lethal explosion magic! Watch closely, Sensei, and everyone else! I, Megumin, will blow them away in one go! I mean, how could I resist the urge to use it, when faced with such a massive army?" She careses her staff in an… I'm going to say 'affectionate' manner, her eyes glowing an ominous red.

She brandishes her staff, speaking the words of the spell's activation, and with a triumphant "EXPLOSION!" fires the spell into the hoard, annihilating them.

And a portion of the road.

And a ton of cabbage.

A couple of adventurers go flying as well.

And I think Darkness, who ran towards the monsters, reaches her climax.

Oh, and one cabbage sent flying off course slams into a cart that an adventurer in green was using, causing all of his collection to scatter with a woeful scream of "My Cabbages!"

Causing pandamonium as always, eh 'apprentice'?

* * *

After I move Megumin out of harm's way, I make my way back to the madness of the emergency quest.

Darkness had run straight back into the fray and had gotten surrounded by cabbage, so Kazuma went to take care of that, while I go to check up on the last member of our group...

"I can't wait to eat these with mayonnaise!" Aqua, who has been ignoring everyone, exclaims whilst running around catching flying lettuce with a bug net that I assume she stole.

Wait…

"Aqua, you know you're catching lettuce, not cabbage, right?" Aqua stops in her tracks and looks at me like I'm an idiot.

"It's cabbage right? A round green vegetable that flies around during harvest time and I wanttoeatthemsodon'tgetinmyway,whatdoyoumeanthatthesearen'tcabbages?" Her speech sped up as she got more excited.

Most people think that lettuce and cabbage are basically the same. However, they are very different nutritionally. First of all, cabbage has a little under twice the number of calories that lettuce has. Based on a 100-gram sample, cabbage has 25 calories and lettuce only has 14 calories. Cabbage also has over twice of the dietary fiber that lettuce has.

Cabbage contains about 60% of the average Vitamin C intake, while lettuce only has about 4% of the average Vitamin C intake needed. Cabbage also contains Vitamin B6, where lettuce does not. In terms of vitamins and protein, cabbage is healthier than lettuce, since lettuce does not have much nutritional content.

Cabbage is tougher and contains less water than lettuce does. These differences decide what the vegetables are used for. Cabbage is typically boiled or steamed. Lettuce is known for being crunchy, which is why it is used in salads. Also, the leaves in cabbage are more tightly packed than the leaves in lettuce, making cabbage denser and heavier than lettuce.

I point these things out to Aqua, who slowly starts to look through her admittedly large collection of vegetables, over half of which are indeed lettuce.

"You could tell just by looking? That might actually be impressive." Aqua tells me after she finishes her crying fit. "But it won't help you catch any! You haven't even started have you? Well, the great Aqua-sama just so happens to know where you can acquire a net with which to catch your own cabbages! And myself, being the humble goddess that I am, will gladly show you!"

If I want to catch them non-lethally, then I might just need a net. No point in damaging the goods, right?

Then, suddenly⎯

 _An ornate golden lance. A spear with low killing-ability that acts only as a cavalry lance unstrengthened by magecraft, unable to pierce through all defenses, and lacking any special killing blows⎯_

!

An image appears unbidden to the forefront of my mind. I can't help but smile. This choice is perfect…

"No need, I've got just the thing…" I close my eyes. " _Trace On"_

The firing hammer comes down, activating the twenty-seven magic circuits within my body. I quickly move through the seven steps, allowing the cavalry lance of Astolfo, the last paladin of Charlemagne, to manifest in my hand.

"Projection...?" Aqua says, looking at the new weapon in my hand with a curious expression.

"Shirou, Aqua! Here you guys are, I got the masochist under control⎯ huh?" Kazuma, who jogs over to our position looks surprised at the lance in my hand "Where did you get that?"

"I made it using magic." I explain simply. "One of my skills is to reproduce weapons." Better to give part of the truth now, since we'll be working together.

"But what are you going to use something like that for?" He has a point, the lance is taller than I am, as it's meant to be used on horseback.

"Cabbage harvesting." I reply simply.

"..."

"It has a special ability, just give me a minute." I walk towards a large group of cabbages, that look at me angrily. After a moment, they charge, and I do so as well.

"Oh, hey Shirou wait!" Kazuma exclaims as I charge in. Oi, why do you sound like I'm another nutcase?

The hoard closes in, and I activate the lance's ability by invoking it's true name.

"Now, _Go Down With a Touch: Trap of Argalia!"_ Golden light coalesces around the lance as I thrust into, and through the mob, causing all the cabbages I pass to fall to the ground, stunned.

Actually, they've 'fallen to their knees'. Anyone touched by this lance, when invoked, will fall to their knees, unable to fight back. Spiritual bodies, will be returned to spiritual form, and flying cabbages fall to the ground.

The only way to break out of this ability is to pass a luck-check, but I'm pretty sure my luck is better than a cabbage⎯

Out of the couple dozen downed vegetables, five or six of them rise from the ground, having passed the check.

… What?

"I've got em! _Steal!"_ Kazuma activates his skill, catching all the escapees in one fell swoop. After quickly depositing them into a nearby cage, he runs back. "Screw this! I don't care about how stupid this is, I don't care if I get hurt, for that much money…" The dollar signs his eyes have become glow ominously… "I'll catch every one of these freaking' bastards!"

With a war cry, he and Aqua charge back into the fray.

...Well, better get to it then.

* * *

 **AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!**

 **Writing is haaaard!**

 **This chapter was exceptionally difficult for me to write, because I couldn't stay focused for more than two seconds at a time. But, in any case, here's the next chapter!**

 **Anyway Thanks for the Reviews! Catch you later!**

 **(12/6/17) Error Eliminated.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Konosuba and Fate/Stay Night are owned by their respective companies and authors.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4: Operation: Level up Aqua! Part 1: Trouble At the Cemetery! Aqua's Greatest Adversary!?**

 **(Kazuma's POV)**

"Alright everyone, let's go pick out a quest!" I tell my intrepid party.

It's been a couple of days since the emergency cabbage hunt, and a few things have changed.

My level increased to six thanks to the cabbage hunt, despite the fact that I didn't even defeat any cabbage, only captured them.

As for why such a RPG-like phenomenon happened with the increase in level, I would probably lose sleep if I become too concerned with it, so I decided to ignore it. One head of cabbage is worth 10,000 Eris. The bounty is so high because eating fresh cabbage grants you experience points. This means that rich adventurers can get stronger just by eating the vegetables.

And why do the cabbages yield so much EXP?

I'll say it again, you lose if you waste time taking issue with such things, so ignore it.

Anyway, with the increase in my level, my skill point total also increased.

I spoke to a wizard and swordsman from another party after the cabbage hunt, and asked them to teach me some skills. I learned the 'One-handed sword' and 'Basic Spells' skills, each of which cost a single point. The first skill raised my proficiency with one-handed swords, so my swordsmanship is now on par with a normal person.

With basic spells, I can use elemental magic like fire, water, earth and wind, although they're simple spells. By the way, low-tier basic spells aren't offensive magic, so most contemporary wizards will skip basic spells and conserve their skill points for intermediate spells.

But it would take 10 points for me to learn intermediate spells.

Since it would take so many points, I should give up learning offensive spells since my magic stat is so low anyway.

But I wanna be a one-handed magic swordsman dammit!

Anyway, after learning some skills, I feel more like an adventurer, so I figure, we should go on our first quest as a party.

Upon stepping up to the board however…

"Well... right now is the giant toad's mating season, so they've been showing up near town, so how about we…" Darkness begins to suggest something awful.

"No toads!" Aqua and Megumin scream in unison, holding each other close for comfort.

"…Why not? Toads fear blades and are easy to take down, their sole mode of attack is grabbing prey with their tongue. Not to mention, toad meat can be sold for easy money. I can easily take down a toad on my own, not to mention Shirou can snipe them from afar." Darkness explains her reasoning.

"Well… The two of them were eaten by toads before, so they have some psychological scars. They were eaten head first in one gulp, covering them with slime, it was only Shirou's timely arrival that saved us. Let's find a different quest to do today." Darkness' face turns slightly red after hearing my explanation.

"… Eaten head first in one gulp… covered in slime…" Darkness wriggles while whispering to herself.

"… Did that make you excited?" I ask incredulously.

"No way." She replies stoically, her face a mask of complete seriousness.

"Well, besides the fiasco with the cabbages, we haven't actually done any quests together yet." Shirou speaks up for the first time since the conversation started. "We should pick an easy one to get a better feel for how we work together." I almost weep at the sensible declaration.

I don't even want to imagine what it would be like if I were the only one here who thought things through. By myself, I doubt I would be able to keep those three lunatics from causing all sorts of mayhem.

"What a joke… Besides the introverted hikiNEET and the super-cool-sword-sniper, everyone else in this party, including yours truly, have top tier jobs! We should take on a bunch of high difficulty jobs and make lots of money, level up like crazy and take down the demon king easily! That's why, we should take on difficult quests!" Aqua complains while speaking in a dangerous mind-polluting manner.

… I think she's had a little too much to think…

Time to nip this thought crime in the bud…

I sigh in a falsely apologetic manner "… I really didn't want to say this… But you haven't been of any use so far… At all."

Aqua's jaw hits the floor, but I persevere. "Normally, a goddess would be giving the hero powerful abilities or equipment, allowing them to live without worries, but no! I know, this is a free service provided by the gods, so I didn't want to complain. However, I was blinded by rage back then, and choosing you instead of an ability was my fault!"

I stomp towards Aqua, making her back up into a chair, which she falls into. "You're here in place of those abilities or equipment, but are you performing on par with these special abilities or equipment? Huh? You were acting sooooooo great and confident in the beginning, but have. Totally. Not. Been. Of. Use, Ms. Former-something-or-other!"

"Ugh… No, not former, erm… in principle, I am still a goddess…" Aqua looks down but still talks back, tears forming in her eyes. In response, I make my voice louder.

"Goddess! What should a goddess be doing? Guide the hero to fight the demon king, and seal the demon king before the hero is strong enough to take the demon king on! And what did you do during the cabbage hunt? You may have grabbed a lot towards the end, but you were spinning around because of the cabbages and threw a tantrum on the ground right? Even vegetables can make you cry, are you really a goddess? Are you really qualified to call yourself a goddess? Your only contribution is getting eaten by toads and party tricks!"

"Wah, wahhhhh~!" Aqua starts wailing like the fishermen of old.

"I-I-I... I am useful alright! I can do things like healing spells, and healing spells, or healing spells! What, you're just a hikiNEET! If you continue to play around, how long do you think it'd take to defeat the demon king? If you have something to say spill it!" Aqua raises her head and glares at me with tearful eyes.

Now, the coup de grace…

"The only reason I keep you around is because my conscious won't let me just abandon a big baby like you on the doormat of a nunnery! And while we're on the subject, hurry up and teach me your only good point, healing magic! I want to learn healing spells after I get more skill points!"

"No~! I won't teach you healing magic! No way~! Don't snatch away the reason for my existence! You will be fine without learning as long as I'm around! No, I don't want to~!" Aqua hides her face by wrapping her head in her arms on the table, crying all the while.

Tch. In that case I'll⎯

What's with this sudden feeling like a blade is at my throat?

I turn around to see the rest of the party staring at me. Well, Darkness and Megumin are staring disapprovingly, but Shirou…

"Hey, Kazuma. Didn't anyone ever tell you?" Not the sweet voice again… "Making a girl cry is one of the worst things you can do. As a matter of fact, you should apologize." How does someone sound so nice yet look so scary at the same time? How did he make it so that no light can reach him?

But of course, Mr. Dead-eye isn't the only one to say something.

"The attack power of your words are really high, if you don't hold back and say everything like that, most girls will cry you know!" The explosion-maniac-arch-wizard-loli scolds me, shaking a finger in my direction.

"That's right. If you accumulate too much stress… I could take Aqua's place and endure your scolding, so lecture me all you want, and make sure not to hold back… As a crusader, suffering for others is a merit." The masochist manages to say through her rough breathing.

All the while Aqua keeps crying on the table. She probably knows that she's the center of attention. As she keeps peeking at me through her fingers from time to time.

That irks me.

"Besides, if it's just a matter of not being helpful, how about choosing a quest that could help her level up?" Shirou asks, his anger abating a little as he tries not to look at Darkness, whose tendencies appear to bother him just as much as myself.

"What do you mean? Is a quest like that even liable to exist?" I ask incredulously

For Aqua, the skills she needed to learn were available to her from the very beginning, so there wasn't any need to grind her level for skill points.

Darkness explains promptly "It is normally difficult for priests to level up since the class lacks offensive abilities. Most won't fight on the front lines like or defeat attack at a distance with magic. So the best monsters for priests to grind are the undead. Undead go against the nature of gods and life, so the power of gods, such as blessing and healing, will cause the opposite reaction in them, such healing magic making their bodies break down."

Ah, yes. This is common knowledge in many a role playing game. Healing magic has the same effect as offensive magic against the undead. But this useless goddess won't amount to anything even if we train her…

Wait…

… I had a stroke of inspiration.

When I level up, all my stats got higher.

So what about Aqua?

The idiot pretending to cry and sneaking glances at me from time to time might get smarter after leveling up, which is the best way to improve our combat potential.

… There's no way I'm going to pass up this opportunity.

"That's all well and good, but are you going to be okay, Darkness? Your armor isn't repaired yet, right?" Shirou asks the crusader.

Due to the fact that she let herself get beat up by a hoard of cabbages as well as got a taste of the Loli's explosive personality, Darkness's armor had to be taken in for repairs. The way she's dressed now, in a long-sleeved black button-up shirt, and a short black skirt, really accentuates her body type. Simply said, she's rather sexy.

And with Megumin besides her, it only makes the contrast larger.

I can't help but think that with such a pretty face and great figure, maybe I could close one eye on her fetish…

"… Hmmm? Did you mean to say 'Are you trying to tempt men with your body you sow!' right?" She turns to Shirou, that gleam in her eyes as her face lights up once more.

"N- no." Poor guy can't seem to handle her.

I glance at Aqua and Megumin, confirming once again that no matter how pretty the face, it's the personality that's most important.

"Hey, what do you mean with that glance, I want to hear it." Megumin says in an accusatory way.

"It doesn't mean anything. I am just glad I am not a lolicon." I state simply.

"Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark, I⎯ But Sensei~!" Megumin's chant is cut off by Shirou, who puts a hand on her shoulder.

Darkness crosses her arms and announces frankly, interrupting whatever Megumin was about to say. "Anyway I'm fine with it. My full set of defensive skills are not just for show, you know. Even without armor, I dare say that I am harder than Adamantite. And besides, it feels better without armor when I get hit."

"… You just said it feels great to get hit." I retort.

"… No I didn't." She replies.

"Yes you did." Shirou interjects.

"I didn't… The only question is whether Aqua is willing…" Darkness deflects, looking down at Aqua who's just lying face down on the table.

"Hey, how long are you going to cry? You should participate in the conversation, we are talking about your level after all…" I reach out to pat Aqua's shoulders…

… But before my hand reaches her...

"… *Snore*…"

...

What, is this goddess a 3 year old kid?

* * *

(Shirou's POV)

Our quest this time is to defeat the undead monsters that are emerging from the cemetery for the for poor and homeless, which is situated on a hill far away from town.

It was almost evening, so we set up a tent near the cemetery to wait for nightfall.

We set up a hot-plate some distance away from the cemetery, barbecuing as we wait for dusk. We can spend this time so leisurely even though it's a hunting quest because the target is a small fry known as a zombie maker. An evil spirit that controls zombies, possessing high quality corpses while manipulating several other zombies as minions.

Most importantly, it's a monster that can be defeated by even a novice party, which is why we took on this quest. So even though Darkness doesn't have her armor, it isn't too dangerous for her. And since the enemies are undead, Aqua will easily be able to level up by defeating them… Ideally.

Thinking about it now, a lot of things in this world are much different from the one I came from, at least in the arcane sense. Firstly, the undead of my world, the Dead Apostles, are definitely not something I would want anyone in this group to face.

Dead Apostles. Humans that became vampires either through the use of Magecraft or by the actions of another vampire, that is to say, being bitten, and dying, only to rise again as an undead thrall. Then existing long enough to become intelligent, and then breaking free of their master's control.

Contrary to popular belief, vampires can be killed with conventional weaponry. However, that is a feat near impossible to accomplish since their superior reflexes and physical abilities allow them to see and dodge a bullet after it has been fired.

Not only that, but the older they are, the more powerful they become, gaining abilities such as regenerative powers which do not simply heal, but cause their bodies to turn their time backwards to a point in which they were unharmed.

Luckily though, the undead that we are planning of facing tonight are, of the more… mundane kind. The zombies of this world are not like the ghoulish familiars of a dead apostle, but more like the shamblers you would see in a old Hollywood horror flick.

Not to mention that using healing magecraft to destroy undead would definitely not work in my old world.

"Create water." I turn my attention to Kazuma, who even now is demonstrating the second difference between this world and my own. Namely, for using magic in a way any magus from my world would castrate him for.

Namely, filling a mug with water, then heating it with magic, using a spell called 'tinder' by the way, to make coffee. Such a mundane use for what is in my world, a limited resource, would definitely earn him some ire.

However, in this world, magecraft has no such restrictions as being 'limited'.

A world perfectly situated in it's own little 'Age of the Gods'. Of course, the one goddess I've met so far is a laughably childish narcissist, but not a malicious one. At least she hasn't tried to take revenge on Kazuma for dragging her here. I wonder why?

"Hey, Kazuma, could you give me some water?" Megumin asks, a shy expression on her face. Kazuma fills up the cup with a small stream of water from his hand "Thanks, though it shames me to admit as a member of the Crimson Demons, I can't help but feel that you're more proficient than me at using magic. I mean, no one really uses basic-tier spells, but you make them seem really convenient."

"Is that so, isn't this the only way to make use of basic spells?" Kazuma tilts his head quizzically for a moment before reaching his hand out again, palm up. "Oh right, Create Earth! … Hey, what is this spell used for?" In his hand, a small pile of dirt appears.

"Well… crops grown from magically created earth are high in quality… That's all I know." Megumin replies after a moment.

Aqua suddenly bursts into laughter. "What, Kazuma wants to plow the land? Are you changing jobs to farmer? You could use 'Create Water' for the plants too! That job would be a great fit for you, hehe!"

Kazuma turns to Aqua with his right palm poised in front of his raised left hand.

"Hey, what does this one do? Wind Breath!" Kazuma manages to ask, without a hint of malice showing.

A gust of wind blows the dust onto Aqua's face. "Ah~! My eyes!" with that exclamation, the goddess rolles on the ground rubbing her face with her hands.

"…Oh, now I got it, so that's how you use this spell." Our leader sarcastically proclaims, watching his first party member rolling around, a contented expression on his face.

"Wrong! Normal people won't use it that way! And why are you using basic spells better than a wizard!" Megumin complains.

"I guess those spells really are handy." I coax Aqua over and wash her eyes out with the water from my cup, holding it by Kazuma so that he would refill it as needed.

"What you want to learn them now? I guess I can teach you if you'd like…" Kazuma proclaims like some kind of extortionist.

"No, I'd probably be better off not knowing how much they'd cost for me to learn." I reply, giving Aqua the okay to return to her seat.

As she passes Kazuma, she sticks out her tongue childishly, but flinches back, when he raises his hands, both of which are now filled with dirt.

"Huh? What do you mean? Don't basic spells cost just one point each?" Darkness asks from the side, as Aqua rushes around to hide behind her.

"Yeah, that's all I needed to learn them." Kazuma nods his head, giving the goddess hiding behind our resident meat-shield while hissing like an angry cat a hard look before turning back to the conversation.

"Hey, don't try to make Sensei learn magic he doesn't want to learn! Surely for him, the spell he uses to make swords is the only spell he will ever learn! Right, Sensei?" Megumin stands up for me in the most unusual of ways.

"Ah… Actually I wouldn't mind learning more magic. I mean, I technically already know two different spells." I scratch the back of my head sheepishly as is admit that.

Megumin stares dumbfoundead for a moment.

"I mean, the I didn't say that the spell I use is the only one I use because I like it more than anything. I use it because it's one of the only ones I can use."

"What do you mean? All you need are some skill points, right? Have you not leveled up much recently?" Kazuma seems annoyed at something.

"No, it's not that I don't have the points or anything, look, remember after the toad fiasco⎯" The girls shudder in unison at the forbidden word, even Darkness, though I don't trust the expression she's making… "Aqua said that 'people with a fear of water will have difficulty learning water spells' right? It's like that, I'm most suited to making swords."

"... I don't get it. Have you even tried?" Kazuma asks confusedly.

"Here, go ahead and teach me a spell. It might just be easier to show you." I say in a resigned tone

* * *

"T-ten points?"

"Aren't these just the basic spells?"

"S-s-s-so Sensei has some kind of disability?"

"Wow, the level of your Projections are really high, Shirou-smithy-san."

Such were the reactions of my party as they looked over my guild card.

Kazuma looked shocked, Darkness seemed confused, Megumin looked at me pityingly, with tears and everything, and Aqua, as per usual, ignored the overall conversation and just came up with a new nickname for me.

That was a few minutes ago after Kazuma's failed attempt to have me learn basic magic, which instead of the normal single point cost, instead cost ten points for me.

It was just as I thought. This body of mine is perfectly suited to one thing and one thing only.

My Body is Made of Swords. The words come unbidden to my head.

…

But I already knew that.

There are plenty of other things to spend points on. If I can't learn other types of magic, I can improve what I have by raising the projections durability, quality, and tracing time.

Yeah, I will improve my abilities even further than he did.

For now though…

"… It's getting cold. Hey, Kazuma, our quest is to take down a zombie maker right? I have a feeling it won't be a small fry like that, but a big shot undead." Aqua rubs her hands together, in a way that old, corrupt businessmen would envy, while saying something terribly ominous.

Hey, don't say things like that! What if you jinx us?

"Shut up! Don't talk like that! If something happens outside of our expectations, I won't let you off easy!" Kazuma admonishes our healer, before turning back to the rest of us.

"Alright, our quest tonight is to defeat the zombie maker and return the zombies to dust. Then, we go home and sleep." How freakin optimistic! "We will retreat immediately if anything out of the ordinary happens. Understand?" Kazuma stands up from the rough battle plan we set up, dusting himself off as he does.

The plan is rather simple. We go in formation, Darkness and Aqua in front, followed by myself, with Kazuma and Megumin bringing up the rear. This simple formation will allow us to go in quickly, and leave faster if necessary.

Since the goal is to help Aqua level up, she will essentially go in guns blazing, with Darkness providing support in the form of keeping the enemy busy, and protecting Aqua from harm.

Kazuma's job in the back is to give orders, and carry Megumin in the event that we are overwhelmed and need some serious firepower.

My job is to provide support wherever needed. As I'm the only member of the party that can fight at all ranges, my position in the middle allows me to leap into the fray, rain support fire, or assist in a retreat.

Originally, Kazuma wanted to go first, since he has the 'Enemy Detection' skill, but as the offensively weakest member of the party I brought up that it might be best if he hang back. The skill, as far as I can tell, appears to emit some kind of bounded field around the user, which detects potentially hostile presences.

So Kazuma is basically a mobile version of the field around my old house…

"What is this? I feel something... Enemies ahead... 1, 2… 3, 4…? …Strange, aren't there too many?" Kazuma informs us, a worried look forming.

Kazuma had explained that there are usually just 2 or 3 zombie minions around a zombie maker. We're still within the margin of error…

Suddenly, a blue and white light shines from the middle of the cemetery, illuminating a figure in black robes. Beside the black robed figure are several fluttering shadows. Most likely the zombies it has raised...

"That isn't… a zombie maker…" Megumin says, unconfidently clutching her staff.

Everyone stiffens, their grips on their respective weapons tightening.

"Are we going in? Even if that isn't a zombie maker, anyone staying in the cemetery at this hour is probably an undead. If that is the case, it won't be a problem with an Arch priest like Aqua around." Darkness appears anxious, fidgeting slightly and⎯ oh god dammit!

Really?

Now?

"Calm down, you!" Kazuma chastises her. "Stick to the plan! Alright Shirou, what do your Hawk Eyes⎯" At that moment…

"RAAAHHHH~AAAAAA~AAAHHH!" Aqua charges the figure with a cry that gods of war would envy.

… Well, that's one sneak attack ruined.

"That idiot! What the hell is she doing!" Kazuma roars.

Aqua stops near the figure, pointing a finger while standing triumphantly with one hand on her hip.

"How dare of you to show up here, Lich! I, the great and powerful Aqua-sama, will take care of the trash, and rid this world of you!" Aqua proudly proclaims.

Well fuck.

Lich. That is the name in this world for what is essentially a Dead Apostle. A high level wizard that deserted their mortal body through magical means and become the immortal known as the overlord of death.

Unlike normal undead monster that rose because of strong grudges, they twist the order of nature to become an existence which defies gods.

So a top-tier undead showed up after all…

"Stop, stop~! Who are you? Where did you come from and why are you destroying my magic circle? Stop! Could you please stop?" The figure begs, wrapping its arms around Aqua's waist.

"Shut up undead! You must be thinking of using this suspicious magic circle for devious means! I will stomp it! Stomp!" Aqua childishly stomps the circle, ignoring the undead's sobbing cries.

…

The minions(?) besides the lich(?) don't move in to stop the two of them wrestling with each other, and just stand by watching them blankly.

Kind of like we are…

Aqua claimed this person was a lich. But the way I see it, she's just some pitiful passerby thats being picked on by a hooligan.

"This magic circle is used to send wandering spirits to heaven! Look, the spirits are floating from the magic circle towards the sky, right?" And sure enough, right on cue, several wisps of bluish white light appear in the circle, before ascending into the night sky.

Although proof of her, the voice is female's, innocence seems to only enrage the goddess.

"You're acting pretty arrogant for a Lich, aren't cha?! An Arch priest like my wonderful self will perform such benevolent acts, so you should just scram! You're taking too much time, so watch me purify the whole cemetery along with you!" Aqua spreads her arms wide, as if to accept the love of a crowd, as she starts to glow.

"Eh?" Is all the Lich can say before…

"Turn undead!" A white light encompasses the entire cemetery with Aqua in the center. That light gushes out from Aqua's body and the zombies around the Lich disappear when they are touched by the light.

It's the same with the spirits gathering at the magic circle the Lich made, they disappear when Aqua's light reaches them. The Lich, who is also basked in that light…

"Hyaaa~! My, my body is fading? Stop, my body is disappearing! I'll be purified!" … Starts pitifully begging…

"Hahahah~, foolish Lich! Your existence goes against the laws of nature! An undead which defies the will of the gods should just disappear! Be vanquished by my power~! And then⎯That hurts! Why did you hit me!" Aqua's tirade is interrupted by Kazuma whacking her upside the head.

Her focus was probably broken when she was hit, because she stops emitting light. She holds her head and while scolded Kazuma with tearful eyes. I ignore Kazuma going into another rant at Aqua and speak to the Lich that's pitifully trembling while curled into fetal position.

"Um, are you alright miss…?" As I reach out a hand to her.

Upon closer inspection, the Lich's feet have turned translucent and are on the verge of disappearing…

"I... I, I'm fine… Thank... thank you for saving me from that crisis…! Erm, I'm a Lich, my name is…" She takes off the hood she was wearing, revealing a beautiful woman with long brown hair and one visible brown eye.

"Wiz-san!?" I interrupt, my jaw hitting the ground.

Do you recall the 'anecdote involving a greater demon'? Well, we needed some high-end magical items, and Wiz here just so happens to own a shop that sells them. I've only met her the once, but I guess she made an impression.

I tell the other's about it, while Kazuma stays busy keeping our priest at bay. Standing behind Darkness, Aqua continues to growl menacingly at poor Wiz, while attempting to find an opening to attack.

She tries eventually, but Kazuma, with surprisingly quick reflexes, grabs her by the scruff of the neck and pulls her back.

"So, what are you doing in this cemetery?" I ask the shopkeeper.

"Well, you see… I'm a Lich, an overlord of the undying, I can hear the voices of the spirits wandering the world. Most of the spirits in this cemetery don't have money and so didn't have a proper burial, so they can't move on to the afterlife and loiter the cemetery at night. Since I am an overlord, I visit periodically and send them on their way." As she finishes, a aura of love and maternal affection starts pouring off her, enveloping everyone in what feels like a hug.

Kazuma's even started crying.

"I think you're doing a wonderful thing but, wouldn't it be better to leave it to the priests in town?" Kazuma eventually asks when he regains his composure.

"Be, because… the priests in this town are materialistic… Eh, no, I mean… the rites for those without money would be pushed down their waiting list… something like that…" Wiz half, hides behind me, shielding herself from Aqua's glare.

"You mean to say the priests in this town are people who worship money. The public cemetery which is full of poor people is basically ignored by them, right?" Kazuma states what everyone was thinking.

Of course that's how it is.

"Since that's the case, it couldn't be helped. But could you stop animating the zombies? We're here because of a quest to defeat a zombie maker." I explain.

"Ah… I see… But I didn't animate them, the corpses that are intact rise automatically due to my presence every time I come… Erm, I won't have any reason to visit if the spirits in the cemetery won't wander anymore and return to heaven… So… How should we resolve this?" Wiz asks, nervously clutching my arm whilst peeking at Aqua.

* * *

In the end, we decided that Aqua would return to the cemetery periodically in order to purify it.

Fortunately, no matter how bad Aqua is, she's still a goddess. She knows that purifying the undead and wandering spirits is her job.

Although she threw a tantrum because her sleeping time would be reduced…

As for Megumin and Darkness who were hesitant about letting a monster go, they agreed after Wiz swore she had never attacked a human before.

"Kazuma, give me the card. I want to set up a holy barrier around that woman's home of and make her cry." Aqua tries to grab at the business card Wiz gave Kazuma, who is now holding it at arms length away from her.

"Haven't you done enough? Just leave her alone already." Megumin decided that if I could be friendly with a Lich, then she could at least try. "I'm just glad things turned out so well in the end. Even with Aqua here, the opponent was still a Lich. If we really fought, Kazuma and I would definitely be dead." And then she bluntly sours the mood.

Kazuma's face looks horrified at the prospect. "Are Lichs really such dangerous monsters? Would it had been a tough fight?"

"It's much worse than that! Lich's have high magic resistance, so nothing could harm her except enchanted weapons. She could trigger all sorts of abnormal status just by touching her enemies and draining their life and mana, truly a legendary immortal monster. What surprised me was why Aqua's 'turn undead' had such great effect on such a powerful being." Megumin's last words cause Aqua to start preening.

"By the way, what about the quest to defeat the zombie maker?" Darkness speaks up suddenly.

Ah.

Guess we failed that one.

Oops.

* * *

 **(Interlude)**

Wiz sighs to herself as the adventurer's leave.

That could have gone a whole lot worse. Well, not for the adventurers, she would never have attacked them, even if it would have cost Wiz her life.

"Well, I suppose I should clean up this circle, no need to keep it around now." She begins the work to do just that.

As engrossed as she was in the work she almost didn't notice another cloaked figure enter the cemetery and approach her.

"Ah, Sorry I'm late!" The girl's voice sounds from under the hood.

"It's alright, I was just cleaning up here." She responds to her apprentice. "In fact, I managed to make a deal with a priest to come take care of this from now on."

The girl nods thoughtfully to herself. "Then I guess I'll have to head out of town to practice from now on huh?"

Wiz has been teaching this girl magic to deal with the undead of this world, as the girl was particularly well suited to damaging them.

Wiz had never met anyone with curses so potent that they could defeat undead.

"We should head back to town now, you can stay at my place tonight if you'd like." Wiz offers her apprentice.

The girl takes off her hood, revealing purple hair and eyes to the world.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." Matou Sakura politely accepts.

* * *

 **Aaaaaaaaaannnnnd that's a wrap for this chapter!**

 **I'm sure you guys have questions, like this one!**

 **1\. Can't he give the lance to kazuma cuz his luck is super high?**

 **Sure! However, Shirou doesn't know how to hand out Noble Phantasms to the party yet. Think of it this way: A Noble Phantasm is locked to a specific person who used it (Example: Saber and Excalibur) That single person is the only one who can use that Noble Phantasm.**

 **However, Shirou creates them by bringing a copy out from Unlimited Blade Works, so the 'lock' is now set to 'Shirou'. All he has to do now is find a way to give others a 'skeleton key' to let them use his traced Noble Phantasms.**

 **Of course, the idea to do this won't come up for a while yet.**

 **2\. Where's Sakura!?**

 **(Sarcasm) I dunno.**

 **3\. Which Shirou is this?**

 **Miyu's brother. From Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya 3rei!**

 **4\. Boooooon!?**

 **Patience. Those who correctly guess it get a cookie.**

 **As per usual, please review!**

 **Catch you later!**

1/9/18 Error removed (Litch)


	5. Chapter 5

**Konosuba and Fate/Stay Night are owned by their respective companies and authors.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Operation: Level Up Aqua! Part 2: Cooking with a Goddess! Step One: Marinade!**

 **(Shirou's POV)**

"Are you sure it was a good idea to spend your money on something like that?" I ask Megumin, as we walk down the busy street towards the guild hall. "I mean, increased firepower is all well and good, but, I don't think you really needed it."

It's been a few days since the insanity of the cabbage hunt ended, and the guild finally handed out each Adventurer's bounty for the cabbages they caught. All over town, Adventurers can be seen buying things that they couldn't have before receiving their 'christmas bonus'.

Some purchase new weapons or equipment, or have existing ones improved.

"* _Huff_ *… * _huff_ *… I can't... can't take it! The power from my staff, which has been upgraded with Manatite... this color and luster… * _huff_ *… * _huff_ *… the twelve percent increase in damage output..." Megumin, who is trying to rub as much as herself as possible against her newly upgraded staff, while walking, causing her to awkwardly meander across the sidewalk next to me drawing strange glances from passer-bys, manages to say through what I can only call aroused panting.

… I shudder to think something like that about anyone but Darkness…

… Jeez… I think I've been desensitized...

She's been acting this way since yesterday, when she got her earnings and spent them to have her staff worked on.

By the way, the thing she mentioned, Manatite, is a rare crystalline substance which has magical properties, such as being used as a substitute for one's own magical energy for a spell, or increasing the power of magical items. Adding it to a staff increases the power of spells, for example.

Everyone in the group decided to only take the reward for the amount of cabbage they individually caught. Which was rather surprising since it was Aqua's idea.

I'm honestly thankful that she can have ideas at all. She may be a goddess, but she's… how to say… not the sharpest sword in the Reality Marble.

"Oh! That reminds me, Sensei!" Megumin breaks from her reverie, hopping in front of me, forcing me to stop walking. "What are you going to do with your bounty?"

That's… an excellent question.

What do I really need to spend money on, besides room and board?

I don't need to buy any weapons or armor, maybe some items?

I don't think there's anything I would really like to have except⎯

My honest answer comes out of my mouth before I can stop it.

* * *

When we arrive at the guild hall, it's to an… interesting scene.

"Why did it turn out like this ahhhh! Please Kazuma, lend me money! Just enough to pay off my debts! I know Kazuma is a boy and you rustle around under your sheets at night⎯" Aqua, who's hanging off of Kazuma's shirt, is screaming something that might just ruin Kazuma's rep for good.

"GAAAH! What are you saying you moron! Idiot! Useless Goddess! You think I'll give you money just because you spent all your cabbage-money on alcohol? Well let me tell you something⎯" Kazuma's rant continues for several minutes, resulting in the usual sight of Aqua crying on the floor.

It seems that expecting an unprecedented windfall, Aqua went on an insane drinking spree, and got herself into so much debt that not even her bounty can dig her out.

"And besides, it's uncomfortable living in the stables all the damn time! I'm going to use my earnings to see if I can't find an affordable home for rent or purchase!" Kazuma finally winds down from beating on Aqua's emotions and states what He wants to do.

"Oh! If Kazuma gets a house then…" Megumin mumbles to herself.

Normally, Adventurers won't bother with buying a house, as the profession is rather dangerous, and they seldom find themselves in one place for long. Not to mention that most only make enough money to get by.

"Well, if you're short on money⎯" I start to say to Aqua, who's image suddenly disappears like a mirage at the same time I feel a weight on my left leg.

"Shirou-sama! You're always willing to help a person in need, right? And I mean, helping people is it's own reward, right?" Crap! I forgot how beautiful she is! How did she get so close so fast?

I break away from the goddess and turn to the rest of the party.

"Well, if Aqua needs money, we can probably do a quest then, right?"

* * *

 **(Kazuma's POV)**

"Kazuma, let's hurry and find a quest! One with lots of weak monsters! I want to test the power of my new staff!" Megumin says, rubbing her face against her staff in a far more tame way than earlier.

"Yeah. You're right, we should find some weak monsters to fight. When we were hunting the 'zombie maker', I didn't have time to test out my new skills. Let's find a safe and simple quest to complete." Plus, I'll take any chance to level up as I can.

"I agree too. If we can all level up⎯" The ever-sensible Shirou gets interrupted by a crazy blue-haired woman. Again.

"No! Let's do a quest that can earn lots of money! I cleared my tabs, so I don't even have money for food today!" Aqua complains, stomping her foot like a spoiled brat.

"No, let's find one with strong enemies! One with monsters that have strong attacks and are tough as nails…!" Darkness huffs and puffs, as steam comes out of her head.

… You know, there should be a limit on how disunited a party can be.

"Anyway, let's decide after looking at the bulletin board." Shirou says as we move to look at it.

And…

"… Weird? Why are there so few requests?" Megumin asks.

That's right, the board is usually full of requests.

But there were only a few today.

Also…

"Kazuma! Pick this one, this one! A giant bear showed up in the mountains, its name is black fang…" Darkness continues her one woman quest to scratch her masochistic itch.

"Rejected! Hey, what is this? Why are there only high difficulty quests left!?" All the quests left on the board are beyond our capabilities.

As we stand there, a staff member comes over to us.

"I apologize for the inconvenience… A boss of the Demon King's army seems to have moved into a small castle near town… It might be the influence of the demon army, but the weak monsters in the region have all laid low, resulting in a drastic drop in quests. A band of knights dispatched from the capital will be here next month to take out the boss. But before that, there are only high difficulty quests left…"

When she hears the staff member say that, the penniless Aqua screams.

"Why~? Why did he pick this moment to move here! I don't know who he thinks it is, but it better watch out if it's an undead!" Her pathetic scream turns into a promise of vengeance.

I don't know why the boss chose to move here.

Frankly speaking, the adventurers in this town are about our level.

There were many parties stronger than us, but their powers were still limited.

This is the first town novice Adventurers visit, a place for the beginners to learn the basics.

In game terms, a demon king boss should appear towards the end.

We had a hard time fighting toads, there's no way we can take on a boss no matter how many of us there are.

"What is it doing, exactly?" Shirou asks the employee, a serious expression on his face.

"Ah, um, well it appears to be sending out it's forces looking for something." The employee replies.

"Has anyone been hurt?" Why is he asking these questions?

"Actually, no. They seem to be avoiding settlements entirely."

Shirou sighs in relief. "Well, if someone is coming to deal with it, then we can leave it to them. If it isn't too much trouble, could you show us on the map where the boss is? It'll be easier to avoid if we know where it is." The employee nods before running off to find a map.

* * *

 **(One week later...)**

"I wanna take a quest! It's fine even if it's a bit hard, but let's just take a quest!" Aqua screams at us, rolling around on the floor as she does so.

With the exception of Aqua, none of us need to take any quests since are wallets are still full with cabbage currency.

Besides, all the quests are high-difficulty ones, and with Megumin being a one-hit-wonder, Darkness being an pain-loving-nutbag, and myself being basically useless in most situations, there's no point in forcing us to take a dangerous quest.

The only one who could probably do a quest on his own is Shirou, but he has no reason to go…

"Please I beg you~! I don't want to work anymore! The store owner gets mad if I don't sell enough! I'll work hard! I'll do my best this time~!" Aqua cries out upon seeing how uninterested I am.

"Here's one I think you can do." Shirou appears, placing a request on the table, which Aqua launches herself at to see.

Everyone gathers around to see what it is.

 _Lake purification– A nearby lake which supplies water to town has been polluted. Brutal alligators have moved into the lake. Request for someone to purify the lake. The monsters in the lake will leave after purification, so there is no need to fight. Requirement: Priest with purification magic. Reward is 300,000 Eris._

"So, can you purify a lake?" Shirou asks.

Aqua snorts in reply. "Of course. What with my name, and my beautiful blue hair and eyes, surely you can tell, right?"

I nod to myself. "Alright, for a decent reward like that, not to mention not having to fight, sounds like a good deal. If we need to protect you from those, what were they called? Brutal Alligators? We can just have Megumin take care of it quick, right? So, how long should it take? About five minutes or so?" Earning 300,000 by just purifying the water, it's a fantastic deal.

Aqua tilts her head at my question, a thoughtful look on her face. "… About half a day?"

TOO LONG!

"Fending off monsters with such a dangerous name, who would want to do that!? I'm putting this back⎯"

"Ahh! Please, I beg of you~! There is no other quest that is as good! Please help me Kazuma-san~!" As I try to put the quest back, Aqua leaps at me and wraps her arms around my waist.

"Fine, let me go! Geez…" I get away from her as an idea starts to come together in my head. "Hey, how does the purification process work?"

"I just need to touch the water, and my natural abilities will take over." I see, she needs to touch the water…

"Hey Aqua. I think there's a way for you to purify the water safely, want to give it a try?"

* * *

We arrive at a large lake some distance from town. This lake is one of the water source for Axel, as there is a stream flowing out of it straight into town. The lake is beside the mountains, and water in the form of melted snow flows nearly endlessly down from it into the lake.

Looking at it now, I understand why the request was made.

The water, surely once crystal clear, now appears dark, murky, and devoid of life.

"Hey,… um… Are we really going to do it this way?"As I look over the lake, I heard a timid voice behind me.

"My plan's flawless, what is there to worry about?" I enthusiastically reply. There's no way this plan is going to fail!

"… I feel like a captured rare monster that's going to be sold…" The rare monster in question is locked in a steel cage, hugging her knees in the center of it.

I plan to throw Aqua along with the cage into the lake.

It'll be totally safe, like shark diving.

Although she will only be submerged enough to get her feet wet.

The original plan had her sitting at the bottom of the lake in the cage, since Aqua could stay in the bottom of the lake for an entire day without breathing and wouldn't be uncomfortable. That's her godly nature for you. No matter how lousy of a goddess she is, it's rather impressive.

We got the cage on a loan from the guild. It's meant for, as Aqua so eloquently put, capturing monsters, as some quests require that.

This way, she should be fine even if the brutal alligators attack while she's purifying the water. It's a cage meant to transport captured monsters anyway, it should be able to keep Aqua safe inside. I heard from the guild staff that the monsters would leave the lake after purification is completed. But just in case they refuse to leave Aqua after that, we attached a strong chain to the cage.

Because the cage was heavy, we dragged it here using the horse we borrowed from town. And in the event of an emergency, I can use the horse to drag the cage to land, allowing Aqua to escape.

"..." Shirou, who's standing next to me, mutters something to himself.

"Huh? What was that?"

"Oh, I was just wondering… Mind if I take a look at the cage before we drop it?" He doesn't take his eyes off the cage as he talks to me.

"Sure go ahead, but, if I may ask, why?" It's not like we can make it any safer…

Shirou nods and walks over to the cage laying his hand on it and closing his eyes.

" _Trace, On._ " He intones. What's he doing? " _Analyzing basic structure…_ The cage seems in good condition… But I can do better… _Reinforcing all composite materials… 20%... 55%... 80%... All Processes complete… Trace, Off."_ He steps back, as if to admire some handiwork. "Alright, it's good to go."

… So that did… What exactly?

* * *

The purification device, codenamed: Aqua, was successfully placed into the lake two hours ago. So far, there has been no sign of monsters coming to harass the cage.

While Aqua sits quietly, slowly purifying the lake with her natural abilities, the rest of us sit about 20 meters away. We keep a watchful eye on her and talk as we wait.

In an attempt to erase my boredom, I pull out my guild card and have a look at the skills I have, though I haven't added any for a while. I mull over my meger stats and abilities with a practiced eye that only a NEET like myself could have.

… I have got to have the worst stats in history…

My eyes travel over our group, and my eyes land on the bow that Shirou has propped against his leg, as he's the only one of us still standing, though he's leaning against a tree.

Projection was the name of the spell he said he uses to make arrows for it right? Maybe…

"Hey Shirou, could you teach me projection?" It'd be super handy to be able to make stuff out of thin air.

"Hm?... Oh, I suppose I could try teaching you…" Shirou kicks off the tree and walks over to where I'm seated, and takes a seat of his own.

"HUH? No fair, how come Kazuma wants to learn skills from everyone else, but not the wonders of Explosion!?" Megumin complains like a child a short ways away, but I ignore her. "Don't ignore me!"

Shirou collects his thoughts for a moment before beginning his explanation.

"Projection, or Gradation Air as it's properly called, is a Magecraft that materializes objects, in accordance to the caster's imagination, through the use of magical energy. The term 'Gradation' comes from the fact that the created object slowly fades away after being created, and 'Air' is an allusion to the fact that said object is made out of 'nothing'." He begins what sounds like a lecture…

...I choose not to interrupt though, I mean, he did learn a skill from Aqua, and spent a point on it…

"The concept is rather simple, actually: To shape magical energy into the material composition and design of an object that is being imagined." He creates a dagger in his hand to show me, while continuing to speak. "The better the image in the caster's imagination, the more stable and longer lasting the object will be, and it can be further improved by having technical knowledge of its construction, such as a blueprint, or having materials to overlay the desired shape upon."

I rub my chin as I think. "So, you can use this spell by either imagining what you want to make, and making it with pure energy, or you can use materials it's made of and turn them into the object you want to make?" Shirou nods at my assessment.

"Alright, so now before you spend any points, I want you to memorize this dagger." He hands it over.

The dagger looks less like a weapon and more like one of those things you would see in a cult harvesting the heart from a goat. It has a leather-wrapped hilt, and there is a jewel stored in the hilt that has the letters 'AZOTH' written inside. This clearly isn't meant for anything having to do with combat.

I tell Shirou my observations and he nods. "This dagger is meant to be used in ritual magecraft, amplifying the user's magical energy to assist with spells."

So it's a fancy looking wand?

The dagger dissipates into thin air and Shirou takes on a serious expression. "Now, close your eyes and imagine the dagger. You need to see it as if you're still holding it."

I nod and close my eyes, wracking my brain in an attempt to see the image.

… All I see is a vague and blurry image of a blob that kind of looks like the dagger…

"I can't see it… Guess I don't have a good enough imagination." What, does Shirou have a photographic memory or something?

Suddenly, Shirou knocks himself on the forehead. "Gah! What was I thinking? You can't just teach someone something from the finish line! You need to start at the beginning!" Huh? What does that mean?

Shirou bows apologetically "Sorry, I got ahead of myself and started teaching you from the wrong end. Geez, I can't believe I skipped the first step…" Wait, what?

Shirou picks up a stick and closes his eyes. " _Trace, On. Analyzing basic structure… Reinforcing composite materials… All process complete... Trace, Off."_ He hands me the stick. "Try to break it."

"Uh… Okay…" I take the stick in my hands and bend it until it snaps⎯

Or alternatively, does nothing at all…

...

Huh…

"What is this? I can't even bend this thing!" I try harder, and still nothing occurs.

"This," Shirou takes the stick back and holds it up for me to see. "Is Reinforcement, the first of the three spells in the Material Transmutation category, which, along with the third spell: Projection, basically make up my entire skill set."

"Wait, so this is the other spell you mentioned?" During our last quest, he said that he only had two spells he could use.

He nods, standing up and looking up into the tree's branches as he does. "Reinforcement allows someone to analyze the structural composition of an object, and increase its effectiveness, such as making it more durable or its shape more practical."

"The spell has two parts, the first being Structural Analysis, which allows you to understand the structure and design of objects, as though you're seeing a blueprint." Shirou starts climbing the tree, for a reason I can't fathom, as he continues the lecture. "This is the most important step, as I use it to make records of any sword I want to project."

Shirou starts poking and prodding a branch, before projecting a knife, cutting it off, and leaping down. "The second step is the actual reinforcing of an object. By analyzing its structure, you can find 'holes' in a technically complete object, and fill them in with magical energy. That's what I did to that stick, as well as the cage." He inclines his head in Aqua's direction. "That steel cage can probably survive an explosion, not that I would recommend trying!" My jaw hits the floor, as Shirou scrambles to keep Megumin, who's eyeing the cage with a scary look, from doing anything the rest of us will regret.

"Now that I think about it, you might be better off just learning Reinforcement for now, at least judging by your expression." Shirou says in a jovial manner.

Hell yeah I want to learn it! With something like that, would I even have to buy armor?

"It's not just items durability that's affected, though." Shirou says, sitting next to me, the newfound branch resting in his lap, as he removes all the smaller branches and twigs from it. "Using Reinforcement, you can increase the sharpness of a knife, the nourishment of food, or in the case of a living creature, it's physical strength and durability."

"Sensei, is that how you can fire swords from your bow? OH! Is that how you modify swords into arrows?" Megumin asks enthusiastically.

"Exactly. You can change the shape of an object to make it more useful, such as…" Shirou closes his eyes as the branch in his hands starts to change shape, turning black. In a few short moments, a bow, not unlike the one now leaning against the tree, forms from the branch.

It isn't as powerful looking as his other one, and it has a simpler design, not being curved and having a square-shaped handguard.

Shirou grabs his bow and holds both of the bows for us to see. "Now, the bow I use is actually a projection, and is designed to fire swords, which tend to be quite heavy, not to mention having poor arrow-dynamics pre-reinforcement. The one I just made, however, won't disappear after a length of time, as it is just a skillfully reinforced tree branch, that can fire normal arrows with ease."

"Now to be clear, I did not project this new bow by using the wood of the branch as raw materials. I changed the shape of the branch, and modified it into the shape of a bow, while simultaneously increasing its durability, turning a normal branch into a bow. One last thing to remember, is that if you spend 10 units of magical energy to make a sword using projection, its damage output will be equal to a 3 or 4. But if you reinforce an existing one with the same amount of energy, the output will be equal to a 20 or 30."

This has been a really in-depth explanation, at least compared to learning other skills so far.

I check my guild card, and the spell 'Reinforcement' is sitting in my 'skills that can be learned' list. Without further ado, I buy the skill.

* * *

 **4 hours since purification began…**

Aqua had been using her passive abilities to purify the lake, just by being in contact with the water. However…

" _Purification, Purification, Purification, Purification_ ⎯!" Ever since the Brutal Alligators showed up about two hours ago, she's been casting Purification magic non-stop.

It seems that Brutal Alligators move in groups, as they are currently surrounding the cage, gnawing at it in a scary way. They are much larger than alligators from earth, and are lavender colored, and have blue eyes, as well as having a pair of black horns on the back of their heads.

Luckily for Aqua, Shirou's Reinforcement is certainly stymying their efforts to get at what they must think is either a huge annoyance, or a tasty morsel, as the cage hasn't appeared to have taken any damage whatsoever, save for a few scratches.

How can I see it, you ask? By Reinforcing my eyesight, of course.

This is the best spell ever.

Of all time.

Too bad we can't just have Megumin blow them all away in one fell swoop. I mean, the cage would probably survive, but Aqua definitely wouldn't.

"AQUA! TELL US IF YOU WANT TO GIVE UP! IF YOU DO, WE WILL DRAG YOU TO LAND!" I've been shouting that towards the cage for some time now, but Aqua has refused to abort the quest despite being terrified.

"I⎯ I don't wanna! Giving up now means wasting the time I spent so far, and not being able to collect the bounty! _Purification, Purification_ ~! … Waahhahhh~! There was a creaking sound! The cage made a sound it shouldn't be making!" Aqua screams in tears while the Brutal Alligators that surrounded her didn't even look at us.

Also, don't freak out, the cage is tougher than you, I almost tell her.

Man, Reinforcement is the coolest.

* * *

 **7 hours after purification began…**

The nearly pristine cage now sits in the shallows of a crystal clear lake.

About an hour ago, Aqua stopped making noise, and the Brutal Alligators left the cage alone, moving upstream.

"… Hey Aqua, are you alright? The brutal alligators left for some other place." We approach the cage to check on Aqua.

"… *Sniff*… Ugh… *Hic*…" She continues to cry, ignoring us. If you were so terrified, you should have given up the quest earlier… But it's hard to blame her given the circumstances.

"Good girl, the purification is done, let's go back. We talked it over, and we decided we won't split the reward this time. The 300,000 is all yours." I tell her in a soothing voice, like talking to a preschooler who skinned their knee.

"… Hey, it's time to come out of the cage, all the Brutal Alligators are gone." Shirou soothingly speaks up.

"… Directly like this…" Aqua mumbles

…?

"What did she say?" Megumin asks

"… She said, the world outside the cage is scary, so bring her back to town directly like this." Darkness says for Aqua.

… Seems that this quest has left deep psychological trauma in Aqua as well.

* * *

 **(Shirou's POV)**

Our return trip to Axel is an uneventful affair.

" _A used-up Goddess is being transported along, I'm sure they're taking me away to be sold… so hang in there me~..._ "

… Or so I'd like to believe…

Said used-up Goddess has yet to exit the cage that she's been in all day.

Under the watchful eyes of the townsfolk, we head for the guild. Because Aqua doesn't want to come out and walk, so our travel rate is slow despite the horse dragging the cage. Aside from the psychological trauma Aqua suffered, there's no other damage.

But since we're walking along with a beautiful woman in a cage, everyone who looks at us expressions turn dark…

"…Hey Aqua, we're already back in town, can you stop singing that song? We're gathering a lot of attention just by dragging a cage with a woman hugging her knees inside. And it's safe back in town, it's about time you come out." Kazuma tries again to convince her to come out.

"Don't wanna." Aqua whispers in reply. "This is my holy realm. The world outside is scary, I don't want to come out for now."

… Well, at least it's better than listening to her scream like a banshee for hours on end…

I should make her something…

"G- goddess-sama! Aren't you goddess-sama? What are you doing in such a place!" A man suddenly shouts, rushing over to the cage to grab the bars.

He strains his arms, probably in an attempt to bend the bars, but the reinforcement I cast on them is still holding strong, so nothing happens.

The young man has blue eyes, dirty-blonde hair and a fit physique. He wears a full set of plate armor which is blue in color and bordered in gold, with a wing motif on the chest area. A black cape hangs from his shoulders. To describe this man in one sentence…

He looked like the main character of a manga.

"… Hey, don't act familiar with my companion and try to touch her. Who are you? If she knew you, why would Aqua not have any reaction?" Darkness stops him from trying to force the cage open. Unlike her envious eyes when she saw Aqua surrounded by Brutal Alligators, Darkness is now a shield protecting her comrades, a proud crusader.

… It would be great if she were to always act this way…

The man glances at Darkness, and sighs while shaking his head. His demeanor seems to be saying he doesn't want to create trouble but has no choice.

The man's attitude clearly pisses off Darkness who doesn't normally show her emotion openly.

As the tension rose, Kazuma goes to Aqua and whispers "… Hey, it's someone you know right? He called you goddess-sama just now. Go and handle that man."

After hearing that, Aqua makes a 'what are you talking about?' face and…

"… Ah! Goddess! That's right, I am a goddess. And? What problems do you want this goddess to settle? You guys are really helpless!"

...Did this girl really forgot about being a goddess?

Aqua tilted her head at that man, noticing him at last. "… Who are you?" She doesn't know him.

… No, she probably does, because the man opens his eyes wide in surprise, his jaw putting a hole in the road.

Aqua probably just forgot about him.

"Why are you saying this goddess-sama! It's me Mitsurugi Kyouya! I received the sword Gram from you!" The newly named Mitsurugi exclaims.

"…?" Aqua continues to stare blankly from inside her safe space.

"Oh! You're 'that' guy! Sorry, I totally forgot! I've sent a lot of people along, so it can't be helped if I don't remember a few!" Aqua says in a pleased self important manner.

...You know you might give off a better aura if you weren't crawling along on your hands and knees in a cage…

His face a bit awkward, Mitsurugi smiles at Aqua. "Eh, it's been a while, Aqua-sama. As your chosen hero, I have been working hard every day. My job is Sword master. I am already level 37… Oh right, what is Aqua-sama doing here? Or rather, why were you locked in a cage?"

When Aqua sent him to this world, she made up something about him being chosen by the gods, huh? What irresponsible words.

After filling him in on everything that has happened to himself and Aqua since arriving in this world, as well as introductions of myself and the rest, Mitsurugi grabs Kazuma harshly by the collar. "Preposterous, this is too illogical! What were you thinking, bring goddess-sama to this world? And you locked her in a cage and threw her in the lake for this quest?"

To be fair…

Nah, nevermind…

To Her credit though, Aqua tries to calm Mitsurugi immediately. "W-wait! I'm living every day happily, and am not angry about being brought to this world! And besides, I can go back after defeating the Demon King! Today's quest was a bit scary, but it was resolved smoothly. No one was hurt and the reward is 300,000 eris. 300,000! And everyone said they will let me take all of it!" She smiles giddily at the thought of her reward.

Mitsurugi looks at Aqua with pitiful eyes after hearing that. "Aqua-sama, I don't how how this man talked you into this, but you are being treated too illogically. After such a sacrifice, you only earned 300,000…? You are a goddess! For a goddess to be treated this way… By the way, where do you stay at night?"

Hm… If he's this upset now…

"In the stables…" She replies simply.

Darkness grabbed Mitsurugi's hand as his grip visibly tightens.

"Hey, watch yourself and remove your hand. You have been unreasonable this whole time. This must be the first time you've met Kazuma, is there a limit to how rude you can be?" Darkness, who's usually quiet when she isn't spouting nonsense has gotten angry.

"He's kind of making me want to blow him up..." On a closer look, Megumin is staring angrily at Mitsurugi as well, and seems to be chanting explosion magic…

Wait, down girl!

Mitsurugi lets go of Kazuma and observes Darkness and Megumin excitedly.

"… Crusader and Arch wizard? And… They look rather strong too. Seems that you've had great luck in finding companions, but that doesn't make sense. Don't you feel ashamed in letting Aqua-sama sleep in the stables? You mentioned your job is the weakest, right?"

Wait, what about me?

"And you," Oh, he did remember me. "You seem to be strong as well, but teamed up with this man? Ah, I see… It must have been Aqua-sama's brilliance that led you to join this party…" He decides my reasons for me.

...No, that's not right at all…

I'm taking care of my 'apprentice'.

"It must have been hard on you all so far. Please join me from now on. Of course, I won't let you all sleep in the stables, and will buy a full set of premium equipment for all of you. The balance of the team is great. I am a sword master, my Warrior comrade and you as a Crusader, along with my Thief comrade, this Arch wizard and Aqua-sama. And of course, you with your excellent shooting skills. What a perfect combination, it's a match made in heaven." He tries to buy up Kazuma's party addressing each of us in turn.

Well, I don't want to join this guy's party, in any case. The girls consult each other.

"This is bad." Aqua whispers. "This guy seriously freaks me out. He's the narcissistic type, and that scares me."

"What should I do?" Darkness shivers in disgust. "I enjoy getting hit more than attacking, but something about him makes me want to hit him."

"Can I cast my magic?" Megumin glares icily. "Can I throw an explosion spell into the face of that elite who's never went through any hardship before?"

I just cross my arms and shake my head.

Kazuma's face turns relieved at our refusal.

"Well, my companions don't seem all too keen to join your party. We still need to report the completion of the quest to the guild, so we will take our leave…" Kazuma turns and starts to walk away⎯

Only for Mitsurugi to run into his path.

"… Could you please move out of the way?" Kazuma says in an annoyed tone.

"Aqua-sama is the one who bestowed this sword to me, and seeing my benefactor who granted me power fall to such a state, I simply can't ignore it. You can't save the world, the one to defeat the Demon King will be me, a Hero. It would be better for Aqua-sama to follow me⎯" I decide to cut off this incessant prattle.

"How altruistic of you." Mitsurugi turns to me in annoyance. "Or, are you just seeking glory? You said that you were 'chosen' but what makes you think that you are any better than the others who have come here? Or are you just ignoring the fact that you aren't the only person from Japan to come here, just to stroke your ego?"

"...If you doubt my ability, then how about I prove it to you?" Mitsurugi asks, drawing his sword. "I'll show you what the gods chosen Hero can do."

* * *

We arrive at the predetermined destination for out duel, just outside the main gate, in a few minutes. Kazuma and the rest, with Aqua still in the cage, stand on one side of the road, save for Darkness who is standing in the middle of the road, unsheathed sword stuck into the ground, hands resting on the pommel. Mitsurugi and his two female companions stand on the opposite side of the road.

"The rules of this match are simple, both combatants will fight until one is unable to continue fighting, or upon their surrender. Any and all skills and attacks are allowed." Darkness calls out so everyone can hear.

Mitsurugi draws his sword, a two edged greatsword with a golden hilt and guard, called Gram. This is the boon he received from Aqua when he was reincarnated into this world.

...How disappointing.

Due to Unlimited Blade Works, all swords are reproduced at a glance, allowing me to know everything there is to know about a sword.

And this is not Gram.

That is to say, it is a powerful object with the name 'Gram', but it is not the 'Sword of the Sun' wielded by Sigurd in the Völsunga saga of Norse Mythology. It is not the 'demonic sword of both glory and ruin' said to be the strongest demonic sword equal to the strongest holy sword. And it is not the 'the sword of supremacy in the tree', which was the model for Caliburn, the sword in the stone possessed by King Arthur.

To put it simply, it is not a Noble Phantasm.

Its abilities however, still make it a threat. In Mitsurugi's hands, the sword increases his strength by one rank, as well as being capable of firing an Anti-Army beam.

Truly, the sword of a 'Hero'.

"Let's go over the terms one more time. If I win, then you turn Aqua-sama over to me. And if you win, I'll listen to any one request you have." He says so confidently, knowing full well that he's challenging a rookie adventurer to a fight he can't possibly win.

If he were fighting Kazuma, he might of been right.

I don't say anything as I dismiss my bow into motes of light, causing Mitsurugi's eyebrow to raise.

"You aren't going to fight me?" He says, quizzically.

"Not with my bow. Hey, Kazuma." I turn back to the group. "You haven't had a chance to see me actually fight yet, right?" He dumbly nods. "Well, time to earn my keep then. _Trace, On_."

Kanshou and Bakuya appear in my hands, my left and right respectively.

"An archer fighting at close range?" Mitsurugi asks.

"My job isn't an archer, I'm just an Adventurer."

At that moment Darkness calls for us to start "Begin!"

Silence is my only reply as I quickly reinforce my body and leap into the air, cratering the ground where I had been standing, the speed in which I move causing me to disappear from sight.

I'm already swinging the married blades down at Mitsurgi's head when he finally reacts to my assault, raising his sword to block mine, causing a loud crash of steel-on-steel, the reverberations surging through our arms as the weapons collide.

In instant, Mitsurugi pushes me away, an act which I allow to gain myself some ground, leaping with the motion. Realizing that I'm trying to gain distance, Mitsurugi quickly sprints after me, swiftly catching up with my retreating form. His sword leads the way as he sends it careening towards my chest in a horizontal slash. Anticipating that very move, I, instead of blocking, lean over until I have to roll on the ground, which I immediately follow with a sweeping kick at his legs.

Mitsurugi escapes the blow by leaping back, but I charge after him, slashing downwards with Kanshou, which he deflects downward and to the right, before being forced to block a full-on stab from Bakuya, which causes him to reel.

Instead of using my swords, I hit Mitsurugi in the chest with a powerful sweeping kick, sending him sliding back, his feet digging into the ground for purchase. Whipping my arms back, I surprise everyone present by throwing my weapons towards Mitsurugi causing two white and black buzz saws to streak through the air.

With incredible speed, he deflects the two swords attacks, causing them to fly off behind him. Seeing that I'm now disarmed, Mitsurugi takes a chance to defeat me in one hit, and charges me at full speed. In response, I leap back out of his range, but he keeps after me to keep me from gaining too much ground.

"Kyouya! Look out!" One of his companions warn him of the incoming danger, and without a second thought he dives to the side, dodging the surprise attack flying at him from an unexpected direction.

I don't even need to say that they were the swords I threw. They are supposed to return to my hands even if deflected, so I pluck them from the air with practiced ease.

Mitsurugi stands, his posture now wary. He takes a moment to look to his companions. "Thank you for the warning, but please don't interfere again. I want to win this myself."

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? THAT WAS AWESOME! CAN YOU TEACH ME TO DO THAT?" Kazuma rants from the peanut gallery after picking his jaw up off the ground.

"Amazing..." Megumin whispers.

"Why isn't this over yet?" Aqua asks and unreasonable question from her safety cage.

I take a moment to assess our conditions. Neither of us have taken a serious hit yet, but he will be wise to my tactic of throwing Kanshou and Bakuya, now. He's stronger than me physically, but I'm faster and have a plethora of tricks up my sleeve.

"You're better than I thought you were." Mitsurugi admits. "I'm sorry for underestimating you." He inclines his head politely, but wisely keeps his eyes on me.

"Are you both ready to continue?" Darkness asks, to which I nod.

I cross Kanshou and Bakuya in front of me and wait for Mitsurugi to come to me.

His eyes go wide in surprise before narrowing dangerously, surely seeing the openings in my guard.

Openings that I put there intentionally.

Realizing that he won't get anywhere staring at me, Mitsurugi rushes in, causing the ground at his feet to be overturned as he launches himself at me with far greater speed than earlier. Before he can attack, however, I stab forward with Bakuya, which shatters into pieces as a retaliatory upward slash from Mitsurugi's Gram.

Undeterred, I step forward and lash out with Kanshou with a horizontal slash at his head, moving my now empty right hand behind me as I do, to hide the new projection being formed. Kanshou meets the same fate as it's white twin, and I hop back, holding my new Bakuya in front of me to deter any unnecessary follow-up assaults.

My left hand soon holds the familiar weight of Kanshou as it forms anew in my left hand.

...Mitsurugi's strength hasn't increased any further, and despite being low-ranking projections, the swords I'm using are still Noble Phantasms, crystallizations of mankind's legends. It shouldn't' be possible for him to break my swords so easily…

...Unless the glow from Gram's blade has something to do with it. It seems that I underestimated him. Using the swords capabilities to fire beams to increase his swords damage output in close range.

Essentially, he's holding the beam around the swords blade to allow it to deal more damage, rather than firing a powerful distance attack.

Clever.

I need a sword that can take a hit from a sword that can cut through steel⎯

I throw my swords at Mitsurugi again. Instead of deflecting them, he obliterates them entirely with two lightning fast strokes of his sword, shattering them to countless tiny pieces, having grown smart to that tactic.

But it was just a distraction.

" _Trace, On."_ I can't think of any weapon better suited to this situation.

A two edged longsword enters my empty hands. As Mitsurugi enters melee range once more, I raise the sword to block his first attack, a downward swing at my head.

With a clatter of steel striking steel, the sword in my hand withstands the blow without a scratch to mar it.

Breaking Durandal, the Holy Sword of Roland is impossible, after all.

"What the? This sword!" Mitsurugi's shock is evident to see, considering I just switched weapons on him so suddenly, not to mention the holy aura coming from the sword.

Surprised, but not perturbed, Mitsurugi immediately chains several attacks together in order to break my guard. Attacking from multiple angles and with great speed, each attack is met with a parry, until we lock swords directly in front of us.

Reading the weapon in my hands I assimilate the recorded experience within, and quickly twist my sword around Mitsurugi's, wrenching it from his grasp and sending it blade first into the ground several feet away, before bringing Durandal up to his neck.

"Do you give up?" I already know his answer, as he raises his hands in a sign of surrender.

"Yes… though it pains me to admit it…" Mitsurugi says, a melancholy smile on his face.

"This duel is over, on grounds of surrender. The winner is Emiya Shirou!" Darkness proclaims for everyone to hear.

* * *

"I apologize for my earlier disrespect, I thought only with Aqua-sama's safety in mind, but perished any thought that she already had excellent allies, such as yourself." Mitsurugi, his head bowed, delivers an apology that wouldn't look out of place in an office building somewhere. "It seems that, despite my level, I still have a long way to go before I can have the pleasure of traveling with Aqua-sama."

We were all about to go back through the gate to head back into Axel, when Mitsurugi came over to talk to us.

"It's fine, I suppose." I scratch the back of my head, embarrassed. "You were concerned with Aqua's well-being, so I guess I can't fault you completely…"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Kazuma says, stepping up to the more experienced adventure. "Anyway, I seem to recall you promising⎯"

"Truely, a with a warrior such as yourself at her side, I can rest easy knowing that you will protect her. As well as…" Mitsurugi ignores Kazuma entirely, saying whatever he feels like again.

"Oi⎯!" Kazuma attempts to make himself heard again, only for⎯

"I see now! I know that I have much to learn, so I ask you, please keep Aqua-sama safe until I can prove myself a worthy companion, and a true hero!" Mitsurugi draws his sword once more, holding it up as if in salute. "I shall not return until then, so please fulfill this request of mine, Shishou!" You'd think I'd be used to people saying completely ridiculous things by now…

"Huh? Wait, I don't think⎯" 'That it's a good idea' is what I try to say...

Megumin rushes over, bowling Kazuma over in her haste. "Hey, what do you mean 'shishou'? Sensei's my Sensei! He doesn't need anyone like you⎯" She gets interrupted mid sentence, can you guess by whom this occurs?

"Ah! I see that you are also being taught valuable lessons by Shishou! I hope we can get along, Senpai!" Mitsurugi walks over to Megumin and grabs her hands enthusiastically, the final word causing Megumin's anger to take a vacation.

For a moment, I can almost see the word 'senpai' floating around Megumin's head as she attempts to regain her composure. "Ah… well… *ahem*. Of course! Any student of Sensei's would need to be well mannered to their senpai! Very well! As the senior student, I give you my blessing to learn of the wonders of Explosion⎯!"

...Why is she deciding these things for me, again?

"Well, I'm off! I shall return soon, Aqua-sama!" Mitsurugi runs off into the distance, waving his goodbye, his two companions trailing behind him as he does.

…

…

...Why?

"That was…. A strange thing to say…" Darkness mutters, confusion evident in her tone.

"Hey! Come back here! You owe me something for losing, you bastard!" Kazuma hollors into the distance, with only an echo in response.

"I'm ready to come out of the cage, now." Aqua finally says, in a perfectly calm tone.

* * *

 **Hhhhhhhhhhoooooooooollllllllyyyyyyyyyy balls! That took forever to write! I had the idea for this chapter since day one, but putting it to paper (so to speak) was such a chore!**

 **At least I got a nice little fight scene in here to hold over all you bloodthirsty maniacs until the next chapter, where a certain headless explosion hater will (finally) make his debut!**

 **Answer time! Isn't Reinforcement dangerous if you do it wrong?**

 **Yes. However, Kazuma won't accidentally explode his eyeballs since the spell will work 100% of the time, provided he has enough magical energy.**

 **Aren't you mixing up Reinforcement and Alteration?**

 **No. Reinforcement changes and improves the physical nature of an object (change the shape of a sword into an arrow, make a paper poster hard as steel, ext.), whereas Alteration adds an ability or property it did not have before (return to the hand that threw it after X distance, soccer ball bursts into flame when kicked). Reinforcement affects the physically tangible, and Alteration affects concepts.**

 **Anyway please review!**

 **Catch you later!**

 **(2/25/18) found error, fixed.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Konosuba and Fate/Stay Night are owned by their respective companies and authors.**

 **Here it is! The New Chapter has arrived because I cave under social pressure! I will give this fic another chance, for you guys who repeatedly reviewed that I was doing a good job.**

 **I would also like to say that I am in desperate need of a co-author or Beta, whichever works for you. If you are interested in the position (No more than 3 open spots) Please send me a PM, as well as some examples of your work. It'd be awesome to work with people who write better than me.**

 **But for now, enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 6: Don't Lose Your Head**

 **(Kazuma's POV)**

*BAM* *CRUNCH*

"So, I was thinking about what skills to learn after leveling up some more, and was wondering if any of you had some input on what role I could play." We're all seated at a table in the guild, and since their still aren't any quests that this haphazard party can pull off safely, we decided to have a strategy meeting of sorts, to help iron out a standard game plan.

*BAM* *CRUNCH*

To improve our efficiency and the ability to take on harder quests, it's important to consider the teamwork of the party, and how learning new skills will affect it. And since it's been another week since we had Aqua purify that lake, we're in need of a distraction.

*BAM* *CRUNCH*

As things stand, we only have two decent party members: Shirou, our (all-range, sword-sniping, stuff-reinforcing, dual-wielding, really-far-seeing, front-and-center-badass) all-in-one fighter, and Aqua, our, though I'm loath to admit it, (useless, pig-headed, glutinous, alcoholic, showboating, idiotic⎯) only healer and buff-giver.

*BAM* *CRUNCH*

Then we have Darkness and Megumin, our Crusader and Arch Wizard respectively, who have their own problems. One is a major league masochist, and the other can only use one spell once a day.

*BAM* *CRUNCH*

And no one wants to hear someone rant about their own problems, so we'll skip me.

*BAM* *CRUNCH*

"Do you guys need to eat so loudly?" I say, reaching for one of the veggie sticks in the cup on the center of the table.

The vegetable stick dodges out of my reach.

…

Oi.

Aqua slams the table, making the vegetable sticks jump in surprise, and grabs one out of the air and stuffs it into her mouth.

"I'm not teaching you healing spells…" Aqua murmurs after she finishes chewing.

"Yeah, I already plan to learn them from someone else instead, anyway." I quickly retort, causing Aqua's eyes to widen and tear up in alarm.

Even if though I want to, learning healing spells might just be beyond my ability. With my magic stat, I might no ever be able to learn anything like Advanced Magic.

… But there isn't a need to tell her that.

Ignoring the crying goddess, I turn to Darkness, who flicks the edge of the cup with her finger and takes a distracted vegetable stick nimbly.

"My skills are centered around ' _Physical Defense',_ ' _Magical Resistance'_ , and 'A _bnormal Status Resistance'_. I have a skill called ' _Decoy'_ , used to taunt the enemy. So unless you plan to become a Crusader, I don't think I have skill that will be useful to someone like you."

Ignoring the subtle jab at my very Thief-like skill set, I ask an obvious question. "Don't you plan to learn something like _Two-Handed Sword_ to increase your attack accuracy?"

"I don't plan to. It might sound like I'm boasting, but my stamina and strength are quite high. If my attacks land easily, I could easily defeat monsters without taking any damage. And it's not good to hold back intentionally. It should be like this: 'Attacking the enemy with all my might but being unable to land a hit, and being captured to be used as a meat slave after my strength wanes.' That is the best sort of play." Darkness starts panting intensely again…

"That's enough out of you, shut up."

" Hmmmhmm! You are the one who asked, but to treat me like this…" I pointedly ignore Darkness as she… Darknesses.

Megumin slams the table with her fist, and picks up the vegetable stick that's too scared to move and shoves it in her mouth.

After chewing, Megumin tilts her head and says, "Of course I learned explosion related skills, ' _Explosion'_ , ' _Explosion Damage Increase_ ', ' _Fast Chanting_ ', et cetera. All the skills to cast the perfect explosion spell. It was the same before, and will of course be so in the future."

"… No matter what, you have no intention of learning something like Mid-tier magic?"

"I don't plan to." Of course not.

Shirou eyes the sticks for a moment, before reaching for one, which dodges his hand, leaving it open to his other one as it swoops in and grabs it.

"My skills are all related to my ' _Projection Magecraft_ ', and my sniping, so unless you want to use a bow…" Shirou thinks for a moment. "Do you want to learn that?" He offers.

Taking that thought into consideration… With Shirou, we only have one actual fighter of any kind on the team. Megumin's a one-hit-wonder, Darkness is, well you know, and Aqua is only useful against undead. I don't have much worthwhile experience or skills to allow me to fight at any range, even if I want to…

To that end, I should definitely⎯

The vegetable sticks dodge my hand again, as I absentmindedly reach for them.

I grab the cup containing the sticks, holding it above my head as I prepare to throw it against the wall. "St, stop~! What are you doing to my vegetable sticks! No, don't destroy my food!" But Aqua, on the verge of tears, restrains my hand.

"How dare these mere vegetables look down on me! How, no, why are these damble things even dodgin' me!?" I scream incoherently.

"What are you talking about? Be it fish or vegetable, it tastes better the fresher it is, right? Haven't you heard of killing it fresh and serving it on the spot?" Aqua retorts.

"Then kill it before you serve it, you fool!" I poor strength into my arm, preparing to let my pent-up rage loose on the sticks, when suddenly⎯

" **Emergency broadcast! Emergency broadcast! Attention all Adventurers, report to the main gate of the city ready for combat!"** The familiar emergency broadcast could be heard throughout the entire town.

I calmly set down the cup, the sticks within saved from their imminent armageddon… for now…

* * *

All of us rush to the main gate.

By the time we arrive, many Adventurers had already gathered, and are standing together in a crowd, looking at something out on the road.

I quickly push my way up to the front of the crowd to have a look, sliding passed people as I go.

When I get to the front, I see why everyone is just staring blankly…

It's a Dullahan. A monster that brings despair and the premonition of death.

A former human which, after turning into an undead creature that carries its own severed head around, has higher physical strength than when it was alive, as well as gaining several unique powers.

Sitting atop a jet-black headless horse, the monster wears black armor, and a cape, with it's head held securely in it's left hand, it's right lightly holding the reins.

… If it's horse has no head then how do the reins even work?

Behind the mounted warrior is a group of knights wearing tattered armor. Looking closely, they probably haven't had a proper meal for quite a while, seeing as how you can see their ribs.

Literally.

With just a glance, it's clear that the armored knights are undead.

"I," The Dullahan speaks in a booming baritone voice which carries over the distance from where his horse stands on the hill, all the way to us standing at the gate. "Am Beldia, a general of the Demon King's army."

Everyone immediately tenses up at that. An enemy of this calibur shouldn't be anywhere near a town full of beginner-level Adventurers.

"The reason I have come here today, is because of an investigation that I have been carrying out in the name of my liege. My search has led me to this very town, and now I hope to ask for your cooperation, so that we can all go home peacefully."

"What is it you want?" I call over to him.

"Only to search your town for someone." He replies.

"Why, who?"

"That's my business, but I can assure you that no harm will come to anyone, so long as they stay out of my way."

…

"Well?" The Dullahan asks. "Will you allow me to finish this quickly so you can get on with your lives? Or do I need to take matters into my own hands? If I get serious, I could kill all the adventurers in town and massacre the townsfolk. I am an undead that will never know fatigue. You bunch of rookies won't be able to hurt me!"

The crowd can only stare silently.

...Except…

"Well aren't you just soooo full of yourself!" Aqua says strutting out of the crowd, hands on her hips. "For an undead, you sure like to talk big, huh?"

"Do you think a mere Priest will be able to do anything to the likes of me?" The Dullahan asks, presenting it's head as if in challenge. "Too bad, girl, including myself, all of the Undead Knights in this band have received the protection of the Demon King! We have high resistance against holy spells, but I'll indulge you. So come on, give me your best shot, girl."

Aqua stares at the Dullahan, standing totally still as she does, before starting to shake with rage. "You…. You… WHAT'S WITH ALL THESE UNDEAD LOOKING DOWN ON ME? CAN THEY NOT TELL WHO I AM OR SOMETHING?" Aqua's voice starts to reach screeching level. "THIS'LL SHOW YOU TO LOOK DOWN ON THE GREAT AQUA-SAMA! DISAPPEAR! _SACRED_ _TURN UNDEAD_!" A bright white light flies from Aqua's outstretched hand.

The gentle light flies innocently forward towards the Undead Knight, who stands confidently as the spell pours over him and⎯

"EHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The Dullahan screams girlishly, as the spell vaporizes his undead steed, and sends him to the ground, his armor smoking. The Dullahan rolls around on the ground, as if trying to put out a fire on himself.

Eventually, the Dullahan stands, wheezing loudly as he tries to catch his breath.

"K-Kazuma…" Aqua says, stepping closer to me, as if to put me between her and the Undead Knight. "My attack just now… Didn't affect him at all…"

You sure? 'Cuz he seems pretty affected to me…

Suddenly, the loud wheezing turns to slow, low, chuckling. "I see… so that's how it is…" Beldia murmurs almost inaudibly. "I revoke my earlier offer to receive assistance in my search, as I've found the one I'm looking for." The eyes in his head still being clutched in his left hand start to glow ominously.

He turns towards his knights and proclaims, "Bring that girl to me, kill everyone else in this town."

Before anyone can even react in any way to those words…

" _Trace, On!"_ I manage to hear those words over a sudden whirlwind.

From the crowd, a red bullet is launched.

* * *

 **(Shirou's POV)**

With speed totally dwarfing anything I've shown in this world thus far, I close in on Beldia in an instant, leaping into the air in front of him, and bringing the twin swords in my hands down on him with all my strength.

However, even faster than that, the Dullahan brings the broadsword on his back to bare, blocking my attack with contemptuous ease, even as the ground half a meter in a ring around him craters from the force of our clash.

Before my feet can touch the ground, Beldia steps forward, causing his sword to lift me higher up as I struggle to keep my swords in between us, and he launches me into the air as he throws his right arm, which holds his sword, and spins to the right, following the motion.

I immediately reorient myself, and bring by swords to my left side to block the follow-up strike as he completes his spin, using the momentum to increase the strength of the blow.

Kanshou and Bakuya shatter on impact, but manage to serve their role as a shield as I'm flung away by the force of the blow. When I hit the ground, I continue to slide for several meters before I can get my hands under myself and and repurpose the momentum to leap into the air.

Discarding the now useless handles of my swords, I quickly project my bow and fire a volley of arrows at Beldia, each one charged to it's breaking point.

Of the ten arrows I fire, only three of them consist of any actual attack, each aimed at a vital point.

The plan is to lure him into an inescapable death, by forcing him into a situation where he cannot dodge or block. However…

"Something like this⎯" He stabs his sword into the ground, and an area three meters in diameter in front of him cracks as an ominous light shines through it. "Won't even leave a scratch! Go! _Wall of Skeletons!"_ From the ground in front of his sword, a thick wall of skeletons half a meter thick rises up and blocks my arrows, even as they detonate with enough force to rival a tank shell.

Right, a Dullahan is a master of the Undead, like a Lich. So of course he can do something like that. The wall crumbles away as the shattered remains of skeletons that make it up return to the earth, as Beldia and I stare each other down.

"Heh…" The knight chuckles to himself. "Of course someone like that would surround themselves with extraordinary talented allies… But no matter, once I'm done here, you'll just be a memory of an interesting opponent."

With that, he points his sword towards the crowd of Adventurers standing behind me.

"But let's not do this out of order, now. Hey! Didn't I already give you guys your orders? Kill them!" Beldia once more addresses his followers, who move into action.

The Undead Knights charge, and I prepare myself for my first real fight since I arrived in this world...

* * *

 **(Kazuma's POV)**

Upon Beldia ordering his forces to attack a second time, more experienced Adventurers immediately snap into action.

"Get Priests! Get them into formation and protect them while they deal some damage!"

"Someone go to Eris' church for holy water, get all that you can carry!"

"Archers! Lay down suppressive fire!"

Such orders are swiftly given as the crowd disperses into the individual parties that make it up, not staying too close to one another, to avoid getting in anyone's way, but not to far as to avoid being able to provide assistance.

The Undead Knights charging us are beyond standard undead opponents, as they retain fighting skills that they had in life, making them far more deadly.

Making like everyone else, Shirou leaps back to stand next to us projecting new swords, as we attempt to settle into some semblance of a formation.

"I'll blow them away! I'll blow them all away with my Explosion! Just you see⎯" Rambles Megumin.

"They'll hit me… They'll hit me hard, right? They'll surround me and… and… Ummmm!…." Darkness… says…

"Waahhh~! Why just me? I, I am a goddess! I'mma goddess, so I always do good deeds! So why am I the only one being chased!" Aqua screams bloody murder as she sprints away from us at top speed, as the mob of undead follows⎯

...

...HUH?

For some reason, the undead knights aren't laying their hands on the townsfolk, but are instead chasing after Aqua enthusiastically.

Even Beldia sounds surprised.

"W-WHAT ARE YOU MORONS DOING!?" He basically screeches. "Capture her later! Kill the others first you NINCOMPOOPS!"

I wonder if those mindless undead are seeking salvation from Aqua?

"Looks like Aqua's going to buy us some time to come up with a strategy." I turn to Shirou. "Do you think you can beat that guy?"

Shirou eyes Beldia for a moment before turning back to me. "I honestly don't know… If we all work together, we may be able to do something…"

"Kazuma! KAZUMA! HEEEELLLLLP MEEEEEEE!" Aqua howls, throwing spells into the mob chasing her, to no avail.

"See if you can come up with something, I'm going to help Aqua!" Shirou sprints away again with that same unbelievable speed, immediately catching up to Aqua.

Tch, you say that but…

"I can get rid of them with an Explosion⎯" Megumin starts, but I put up my hand to silence her.

"You only have one shot, and if you waste it on the wrong target, we'll be in big trouble." I reason. "Shirou can fight that guy, and Aqua and hurt him, but we may need a big move like yours for the finisher."

We need to get rid of the Undead Knights first, that way Beldia won't have any backup that he can use as meat-shields.

"Of course, I will act as your m-m-meat shield! You won't have to worry about getting hurt, since I will take them all at once!" Darkness's pants and moans get louder as my brain automatically censors them from her dialog.

"If only we could take them all out at once…"

* * *

 **(Shirou's POV)**

"See if you can come up with something, I'm going to help Aqua!" I don't wait for Kazuma's response before I launch myself to Aqua's defense.

" _Trace-" a meter- long, rapier-like sword designed for throwing, weighing one kilo, imbued with Sacraments emphasizing the ability to affect evil, the blade exists in a semi-spiritual state, allowing it to be filled with Magical Energy. "-On!"_

Three in each hand, in a fan formation, I Project Black Keys, sacramental weapons used by the Holy Church for use against Dead Apostles. Racing towards the Undead Knights closest to Aqua, I throw the first sword in my left hand, which flies like a bullet, taking one of the knights in the head, destroying it instantly.

It's body doesn't' even make the other undead stumble.

I throw three more in rapid succession, leaving me one in each hand. For each key I throw, an undead falls.

But with these numbers, It won't matter.

"We need to keep these undead distracted until Kazuma comes up with a plan!" I tell Aqua, who looks like she's about to start crying again. "Keep running!" I order her as I focus on the Black Keys in my hands.

With the properties formed into these weapons, I have a suitable way of fighting undead. However, there is one problem.

Black Keys are throwing weapons.

It means that if I get into a melee while using them, they won't be as effective. Sure, they can be used as rapiers for stabbing attacks, and some executors use them to cut through even concrete, but they are mostly useless in close combat due to being poorly balanced for it.

Lucky for me, I can change that.

If a weapon in its current form is unsuitable for the task at hand, then all I have to do is change it so that it is.

If Archer can make Caladbolg II…

I stop running and turn to face the Undead Knights, even as I close my eyes to focus on the swords in my hands. With the distance I have from the mob, they will be on me in three seconds.

" _Trace, On."_ I have countless swords stored in my Reality Marble, so finding models for the modifications I have in mind should be no trouble at⎯ ah, here we go. A standard hand-and-a-half longsword will do just fine as a base.

Modifying the blade will be no trouble at all, since the weapons are designed to take in Magical Energy to increase in size. The problem is the hilt and guard of these weapons. The hilts are designed so that an Executor can hold multiple blades in the same hand using only their fingers, saving the thumb for an additional key, or to curve over their fist.

 _One Second…_

Since the weapons I'm modifying are Projections, any additional materials needed will simply be made and added as I go. I increase the lengths of the hilts to fit a hand-and-a-half length, meaning that they can be wielded in one or two- handed grips.

The guard is also enlarged to make it act as, well, a guard.

 _Two Seconds…_

Now for the blades themselves. I simply make each blade the same width as a standard longsword blade, and sharpen the cutting edges to make them more effective.

Next, I dig into the history of the Black Keys themselves, and imbue them with the Cremation Rite, which will immolate the undead on contact.

 _Three Seconds…_

I open my eyes as the first of the knights is upon me, its sword raised above its head. I step to the right, dodging the attack even as I lash out with the sword in my left hand, cutting the undead in half across it's hip, and stabbing another undead in the chest with the sword in my right.

Both undead fall to the ground, burning.

I leap to the side, turning as I do so, so that I can run parallel to the mob of undead, which are quite adamant about chasing Aqua, even though they are under attack.

Like a hawk, I swoop in, attacking the knights on the outer-edge of the mob, taking out at least one undead each time I attack, pulling away before they can counter-attack. I attack from multiple angles, moving as a blur.

I'm still not making a dent, though, and I can't keep up this pace forever. My breathing is already growing heavy.

And Aqua's still running and screaming. Must be easy, being a god…

"Shirou, Aqua! Lead them here!" Kazuma's voice cuts through my thoughts, and I immediately leap over to Aqua, throwing her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, even as I ignore her squawking protests, and sprint in Kazuma's direction.

Kazuma and Megumin are standing behind Darkness, who has her sword brandished in front of her. I can see even from this distance that Megumin is chanting.

I run passed the Dullahan as I move to my comrades, and he just waves nonchalantly at me.

I arrive next to the group, set down Aqua, and turn to face the charging mob once more. Just as I'm about to intercept them again though…

"NOW, DO IT!" Kazuma bellows.

"I'm grateful, Kazuma, for granting me this ideal situation! My name is Megumin! The Elite Wizard of the Crimson Demon clan, user of explosion magic! Take a look at my power, _EXPLOSION!"_

The magic circle appears above the undead horde…

As well as their master.

"Huh? Oh…" He says as he notices.

In that instant, the explosion strikes, igniting the ground and all the Undead within…

"GYAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Beldia screams.

* * *

The explosion spell created a crater right before the main gate, which still sizzled from the intense heat it had produced

Everyone who hadn't seen what Megumin could do before were stunned into silence before of the power of the spell.

"Hmm hmm hmm… It seems everyone here has been rendered speechless after witnessing the power of my explosion… Fu ahh… including narrating that speech, all this… feels so good…" Megumin says proudly.

Right up until she falls flat on her face.

"Need me to carry you? Kazuma asks her.

"Ah, thank you. And could you help me put my eye patch back on?"

"My mouth… is full of sand…" Aqua complains next to me, sitting up from where the explosion knocked her over.

"Well, at least you aren't being chased around anymore, huh?" I console her, offering my hand to help her up. The dust from the explosion has yet to settle as all the adventurers in town start cheering.

"Woahhh! That's awesome, girl with a screw loose!"

"She's crazy in the head, and so's her name, but she sure can bring the heat!"

"I see you in a whole new light, crazy girl!"

Megumin scowled deeply. "Sorry, but could you remember all these people's faces for me? I'm going to blow them away later."

Before I can tell her to just let it go, though...

"Fu, hahaha~! Interesting! That's interesting! To think my minions would be wiped out in a novice town like this!" Beldia laughs hartally as the dust finally settles, revealing him standing in the center of the crater. "If that's how it is, then I'll keep my word! I'll take you all on personally!" He proclaims as he begins his charge towards us.

I charge him in turn, modified Black Keys in hand. I was completely outclassed in our last exchange, and he could have killed me easily… if he was actually trying.

I need to hit harder, move faster, and trick him into a path that will lead to my victory. Emiya Shirou is incapable of beating this foe, even with the advantages I've gained from copying Archer.

As a matter of fact, I'm weaker now than I was during the Grail War. Back then, I was not only directly linked to Archer, instead of just copying him, but I was also receiving backup from Miyu.

I don't have either of those advantages now, but I still have a few tricks up my sleeve...

In an instant, we close into melee range once more, and Bledia swings his greatsword down on my head.

Instead of blocking, I leap to the right, and throw the two poorly-balanced swords in my hands, which are easily deflected with a single sweep.

Undeterred, I roll on my shoulder and up onto my feet, projecting four normal Black Keys in each hand, and throw them one at a time in .7 seconds, borrowing the skills of that fake priest.

"How naive to think that this tactic⎯" Beldia deflects those attacks as well, angrly berating me. "Will work on me!"

"Gotcha."

A loud *ping* sound is heard, as the dirk I hid in the shadow of one of the Black Key ricochets off a rock in the ground and flies into Beldia's helmet, wrenching his head from his hand, and sending it skyward.

Kanshou and Bakuya fill my hands in less than a second. " _Trigger, Off. Set, Overedge."_

I Reinforce the swords in my hands and transform the blades into longswords, reminiscent of a pair of Crane wings.

I cross them in front of me and slash his chest in an 'x' shape⎯!

" **YOU'RE STILL NAIVE, BO** Y!" The Dullahan roars, as his sword lunges forward to take my head.

Time freezes.

My attack won't reach in time, I'll die before it lands.

But how was he able to counter-attack so quickly?

His head, up in the air, stares down at me.

Oh, thats how.

Just because his head isn't in his hands, that doesn't mean he's blind.

I screwed up. His sword is longer than mine, so his reach is greater.

I'll die in the next second, there's no time to dodge.

However…

A hand roughly grabs me by the… Butt-cape?

Yeah, butt-cape.

Darkness pulls me back by my butt-cape, causing me to fall on my aforementioned butt, which also causes Beldia's attack to miss.

"I won't let you harm my comrade!" Darkness leaps in front of me, unarmed. She must have ditched her heavy sword in order to get over here quickly, leaving herself defenseless.

"Next." Beldia says in a bored tone as he lashes out with his sword, killing Darkness in one hit.

Or so he thought.

A loud metallic screech rings out as Beldia's sword deflects off Darknesses armor.

"AHHHH! My armor! I just got this back from getting it repaired!" Darkness lamants the deep gash in her armor. "I'll have you compensate me for that!"

Beldia takes three steps back and leisurely catches his head as it returns from it's impromptu skydiving session.

The distance between us becomes ten meters.

"You, what's with you…? Why aren't you hurt after being hit by me…? Was that armor made by a famous artisan? No… it's not possible with just that… That Archer and that Arch Wizard too, who the hell are you people…" Beldia mutters to himself.

"You ok?" I ask Darkness, looking her over. Her wound isn't bad, her armor having taken the bulk of the hit.

"I'm well, but I don't think I can help fight." She replies sheepishly, looking over at where she left her sword.

It wouldn't matter even if she had it anyway...

Kazuma and Aqua run over to us "We need a plan to take that guy down, so quit jumping in on your own you two!" Kazuma hisses at us.

I stand up and dust myself off. "I'm the only one who can fight him, since Darkness can't hit anything, and I doubt that he'll just let Aqua hit him either."

"I must object to your claim, Shirou." Darkness interjects, her tone sounding annoyed. "I pride myself in being able to protect my companions, my pride as a Crusader won't allow that insult to stand."

I'm surprised by that. For once, Darkness sounds not like a masochistic pervert, but as a noble knight and comrade.

"And besides," Darkness adds, her face flushing a deep crimson, "In terms of toughness in taking hits, I won't lose to anyone. I can use my skills to increase the durability of my weapon and armor as well. Beldia's sword might be powerful, but you do really think it could cut through steel armor like paper? Beldia probably possess powerful attack skills. I want to find out how my defence does against it!"

…

So that's why…

"Darkness," Kazuma interjects, "You're unarmed, so pull back for now and go get your sword, we'll figure something out."

Darkness turns to Kazuma with a look of shock. "I can't leave you all here unprotected. If I have to go fight him with my bare hands, I will." Her expression and tone turn serious.

I remember something Darkness said a while ago, about not wanting to put any points into her t _wo-handed sword_ skill.

⎯ _magical sword that sniffs out the smell of blood, that can launch the most optimal slash with a mere ordinary swing⎯_

"Hey, Darkness." She turns her attention to me. "You know that this isn't an enemy that we can beat without some sacrifice, right?" I press on, before she can question me. "What if I told you that I can help you get a hit in on that guy?"

My question causes her to pause, and she stares at me curiously.

"What do you mean? I won't put any points into⎯"

"I know, but if you could fight him on even ground, would you? There's no way you will get out of fighting him unscathed though, and he won't pull his punches at all." I added the last part in a desperate bid to appeal to her dark side.

My question was met with silence as she considered her answer.

"What do you propose?" She asks, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"Just use⎯ _Trace, On_ ⎯ This." The sword I have in mind appears in my hand, a long, black-iron greatsword.

I hand it over to her, as it's about the same size and weight as the sword she normally uses, though it's not at all pretty.

Hrunting was a sword made to slay, after all.

Darkness examines the crude looking sword with a raised eyebrow. The equipment she's used to using are leagues above what other Adventurers lug around, being made of rare and expensive materials using exceptional forging methods.

Well, she can think what she wants, but there's no way she can do any better than a B-ranked Noble Phantasm.

"I see…" Darkness nods to herself, rubbing her chin. "You truly are an interesting man, Shirou. Giving a proud Crusader like myself ineffective equipment that will surely fail, causing me to be repeatedly beaten around and violated in front of everyone… hmmmm!"

No, that's not it, stop that.

Before I can respond, Darkness starts skipping up to Beldia, sword in hand.

Yes, skipping.

* * *

 **INTERLEWD**

About half of the distance to her target was covered by the time Darkness realizes she should probably start running instead of skipping. "Here I come, Beldia!" she roars, confrontationally.

"Heh, It's inevitable that a Crusader would be my opponent! Come, show me what you can do!" Beldia raises his sword above his head and brings it down with great force.

Darkness raises her own borrowed sword to block, expecting it to break under the force.

So her surprise was palpable when the weapon held, even though the force of the blow she blocked caused the ground around them to creator.

Digging her foot into the ground, Darkness kicked into it while simultaneously pushing with her sword, allowing her to leap back for some distance.

As soon as she has her balance again, she runs back into the fray, swing her sword in three powerful strikes.

Her downward slash is met with the edge of Beldia's greatsword, deflecting it. Her sideways swipe screeches off the flat of the blade. And her stab is deflected to the side, even as she slides passed her opponent, the rocky ground bunching up as she attempts to slow to a halt.

The dumbfounded expression on her face as she stares at the sword in her hand tells it all.

"What is this…? This sword is…" She whispers to herself in awe.

A moment later, she turns around, running back into the fight once more.

With her naturally high strength, each blow, even if blocked or deflected, still has the potential to seriously wound even a Boss-level enemy like Beldia.

She remembers, when she was a little girl, when she learned how to dance, her instructor would take the lead, ensuring that she made no mistakes.

The sword in her hand leads her the same way. Each attack is flawless, and her foe is forced to bite back a curse and block, lest he lose his, er, head.

"Ha! This is it! This is the kind of fight I've been looking for!" Beldia laughs excitedly, as the two continue to exchange blows. "This is how a fight between Knights should be!"

"You call yourself a Knight even though you've cast aside your humanity!?" Darkness retorts, still marveling at her own attacks.

"Once a Knight, always a Knight! That's just the kind of man I was!"

Then, the headless man found himself off-balance, with his opponent's blade careening towards him with all the power she could bring. The shockwave from the collision of steel goes off like a bomb, causing the Dullahan to go sliding backwards for several meters.

Quickly, he coats his sword in coalessing black energy, which is then launched in a wide slash. " _Midnight Cleaver!_ "

Halfway to it's target, the sword-slash is intercepted by a pair of swords that look like wings, which stab into the attack from above before the entire thing erupts into a massive explosion.

Shirou lands next to Darkness a moment later. "So, what do you think? I told you that you'd be able to hit him."

"Once this is over, I don't think I ever want to use this sword again." Darkness says after a moment.

"Huh? What? Why?" The redhead stammers in shock. "Do you even know what you're holding? That's a N⎯ You know what? Never mind, I'll tell you later." He turns to Beldia, projecting his bow as he does. "I'll back you up, so let's finish this, Darkness."

"Looks like I'll have to get serious, If I'm facing the both of you. Let me show you the power of one of the Demon King's chosen." He throws his head into the air once more. " _Levitation, Protection from Arrows, Greater Magic Resistance, Battle Continuation, Greater Physical Resistance, Bravery, Eternal Arms Mastery, Monstrous Strength, Reduced Earth, Cry of the Warrior, Aptitude for Slaughter, Lord over Death, Hawkeye, Greater Evasion, Armored Offensive, Boundless Persistence."_

"That's… a lot of skills…" Shirou mutters.

Beldia proceeds to hold his sword with both hands, preparing to take on both of his opponents, as his head floats along in the background.

Shirou eyes Beldia's head, and fire off a shot in less than a second, the arrow streaks towards it, but is stopped by a barrier.

"Tch, no use huh? _Protection from Arrows_ indeed…"

"He's coming!" Darkness proclaims, getting into a ready stance and panting uncontrollably.

In instant, the Dullahan is on top of them...

* * *

 **(Kazuma's POV)**

"Kazuma, I have a plan. When I give the signal, tell Aqua to hit Beldia with the best _Turn Undead_ she's got." Is what Shirou said before going to help Darkness.

With the fight against Beldia going swimmingly, I find myself trying to figure out if he has any weaknesses.

And seeing as he's just finished buffing himself with a smorgasbord of skills, I can say with a certain amount of credibility that he probably has very few.

Of those few, I doubt there are many I can take advantage of...

I clear my head and try to focus on the task at hand...

"Sh-Shirou! He's hitting me! He's hitting me with such skill as to only knock off parts of my armor! It looks so erotic! This public humiliation is the best!"

Which is only becoming more difficult since Darkness keeps saying things like that!

"Look at the time and place you unrepentant pervert!" I scream at her at the top of my lungs.

Darkness trembles for a moment as she listens to me lecture her "Ugh…! Ka, Kazuma you should be the one watching the time and place! I'm at my limit being ravaged by the Dullahan in public, and Kazuma is humiliating me too…! What are you trying to do to me, ganging up on me with the Dullahan!"

"No want wants to do anything to you pervert! 'Create water'!" I cast water magic as a retort at Darkness.

A large amount of water pours down on Darkness like an overturned bucket.

Darkness is soaked entirely while Beldia leaps backwards in a panic, avoiding the downpour of water.

Huh? Why would he⎯

My gamer instincts kick in.

"Water…" Dullahans have a weakness to running water, they can't cross rivers!

"Uh? What, are you talking to me?" Aqua asks, tilting her head to the side.

"Water…" In this world, it must translate as a weakness to water-based magic, it probably debuffs them...

"Earth to Kazuma! Are you ignoring me? A goddess is talking to you, you know? Are you an idiot? Are you so scared that you can't even⎯"

I interrupt her incessant prattle "It's water, water! This guy's weakness is water! And you're a goddess of water right?! Or are you just a phony goddess? Can't you even do something as simple as summoning water?" I taunt Aqua relentlessly.

"Don't be rude! Or I'll give you my divine retribution! What is this 'phony' you're talking about? I'm a true goddess! Water? You want to talk about water with me? Your weak stream is nothing, I can even summon a flood! Apologize! For accusing me of being a phony goddess, apologize!" Aqua stomps her foot into the ground as her voices reaches a pitch that would attract dogs.

"I'm fine with apologizing however much you want, just summon it if you can you useless goddess!"

"Wahahhh–!" Aqua screams in rage "You dare say I'm a useless goddess?! Watch this, I'll show you what a 'useless goddess' can really do, fool! Then you'll see how great I am when I'm serious!"

Aqua stomps forward, but as suddenly as her anger arrived, it disappears, replaced by a serene calm. Her steps become light as a feather, and a mist begins to coalesce around her, even as her magic power becomes palpable in the air.

Beldia, Shirou, and Darkness pause in their battle, sensing the imminent danger. Shirou is the first to react, blasting forward, and sticking one of those rapier-like swords into the ground next to Beldia, before leaping away, picking up Darkness by looping one of her arms over his shoulder before leaping again while shouting:

"Aqua! You don't need to go all out! We don't need a flood on our hands!"

"... _O' my familiars that exist in this world…"_ The mist around Aqua turns into droplets of water, floating around her, growing in size with each passing second. I can feel powerful magic in each droplet.

" _...The goddess of water, Aqua, commands thee…"_ The air around her trembled.

This tense feeling similar to when Megumin chants explosion magic. The spell she's about to cast has the same level of danger! Beldia probably feels the intense air too, as he turns his back to Aqua unhesitantly and prepares to run…

Only to stay rooted in place.

"What?! Hey, what, what!"

"That's a Key of Providence in your shadow." Shirou says as he lands next to me, setting down Darkness as he does. "You, as an enemy of God, won't be going anywhere." Lifting his bow in front of him, he projects four of the same sword-arrow and fires them in a square around Beldia.

"Brace yourselves." Shirou says, hunkering down. "I don't know if that will hold."

Before I can ask what he's talking about…

" _SACRED CREATE WATER!"_

As massive torrent of water falls from the sky…

* * *

 **(Shirou's POV)**

I need to keep Aqua happy and never, EVER, make an enemy of her. There are multiple myths and legends in various cultures about gods bringing about floods in divine retribution for some perceived wrong.

In this case, she at least kept the power at about an Anti-Army level.

...So there's that…

With the sheer volume of water falling from the sky, I definitely had reason to worry about flooding. Luckily, I had just the sword for the occasion, a nameless Noble Phantasm which absorbs water. The four swords surrounding Beldia performed their duty well, and besides a small lake that formed in front of town, there was no damage to be had.

"That just leaves…" I mutter, looking up at Beldia as he stands, breathing heavily.

"Why… YOU!" Beldia roars as he prepares to charge us.

"Aqua, you can beat him with _turn undead…"_ I snap my fingers causing the four swords around Beldia to simultaneously detonate. "Now."

With his armor damaged and broken from the explosion, there's nothing left to defend him from Aqua.

"Okay! Leave it to me!" Aqua, still clearly puffed up from being able to show off, does so again, by holding her hand out behind her, causing her staff, which she left in town, to come flying into her hand.

The moment it made contact, an elaborate magic circle appears at her feet, and her pink hagoromo materializes around her. She aims at Beldia, who still can't move.

"Uh, wait, um… I'm sorry?"

" _Sacred Turn Undead!"_ With the greatest intensity yet, a veritable storm of white light flies into the Dullahan.

"EEEEEEEYYYYAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" He lets out one last scream as the light purifies his body.

The demon general disappears from this world, to the thunderous cheers of all the adventurers present.

* * *

We arrive back at the guild, collapsing exhaustedly into the chairs around the same table we'd occupied earlier today.

*FLASH* *CRUNCH*

"So, what were we talking about? Ah right, I've decided what kind of skills I want to learn." Kazuma says as he uses his _steal_ skill to grab a vegetable stick.

"Oh? What's that? AH! Do you finally see the merit in traveling the path of explosions with me!?" Megumin, who at this point has returned the functionality of her arms excitedly pulls on Kazuma's sleeves.

"I'm not teaching you healing spells… or _Turn Undead!"_ Aqua hollars in paranoia.

Kazuma waves a hand dismissively at Aqua. "Don't worry about it. Oh Shirou, I decided that I don't need to learn _Archery_ from you, nor do I need any of the skills that any of you have."

Kazuma stands proudly, looking down on us... for some reason.

"I've decided on the best way for me to help the party in a fight is… to stay the hell away from you people while the fighting is happening and just provide emotional support or something." All of us face-fault at that.

"What?" I sputter as I pull myself off the floor. "You can't be serious."

"Oh but I am." Kazuma waves a finger annoyingly. "I'm going to focus my skills on doing the one thing that none of us can do, you know what that is?" We, the audience, shake our heads.

"I'm going to choose skills out in order to be the best of the best when it comes to stealing and killing without my victim ever knowing!"

And thus, the best/worst thief/assassin the world had to offer, was born.

* * *

 **Chapter done! Over! I finally did it! It's mediocre, but I did it!**

 **Looking for co-authors!/beta!**

 **Please review!**

 **I'm out!**


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